Gate 4 and Nolan Dalla
I'm sitting in those uncomfortable grey chairs at Gate 4 again. I've been wasting too much of my life sitting in random airplane terminals waiting for my flight to take off. This is one of the main reasons why I bring my laptop with me, so I can catch up on email and reading blogs. The only time I have to read through my bloglines folder is when I'm in airports.
Long Beach has wifi which means I can play a few orbits of Party Poker and skim poker and political blogs while I multi-task writing this post and praying that the old Jewish lady that looks like Bea Arthur with the dog will not be sitting next to me on my flight back to JFK. I'm liking my chances of winning that coinflip.
I spent almost a week in Hollyweird and I have a few good stories. I also finished a recap of Knit Ball if you are interested in reading about a night of music and weirdness that I endured last Friday.
The other night, I played a $5 HORSE SNG with Change100 on Full Tilt after some heavy partying. She would play Hold'em, Omaha 8, and Razz. I took over during the Stud and Stud 8 rounds since I'd rather shave my testicles with a cheese grater than play Razz and Omaha 8 back-to-back. Change100 was in 4th place when Stud came along. I picked up a lot of chips to move up to second. By the time Stud came around a second time, she was second with three players remaining. The shortstack busted in third and I took a monster pot heads up to take over the chip lead. I ended up busting when the other guy rivered a backdoor flush on me. I started out with A-J/A and picked up two pair on 5th Street, yet he kept calling me down with junk until he caught his card on the river. Second place is better than bubbling.
Heading back to NYC for a few mellow days before I have a crazy month of June that will take me to Foxwoods, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Boulder, LA, and finally Las Vegas for the 2006 WSOP.
Make sure you listen to Hold'em Radio with Lou Krieger and Amy Calistri. The guest on Thursday's show will be Nolan Dalla. Those are some of my favorite three people in poker and I was fortunate to meet all of them last summer at the WSOP.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Ripples
Right now some friends of mine are hurting pretty badly. This post is dedicated to them. If you guys need anything... just ask. I'm here for you all.
The Up for Poker guys lost one of their close friends this past weekend. I encourage you to stop by and read everything they had to say about Gulfman.
Last night, Flipchip's grandmother (and the Poker Prof's great-grandmother) passed away. She was 101. Flipchip is a guy who rarely displays his emotions in public, but he opened up his heart in a post called A Sad Day.
Over the last year, I really got to know Flipchip very well. We spent everyday at the WSOP in the trenches together and I can't think of any other photographer that I'd want to work with. Flipchip has also taken over the father figure role in my life offering me up advice and emotional support during difficult times. I'm grateful that he's always been there to help me deal with the curveballs that life throws at you everyday. He's hurting right now, I know that the Poker Prof is too and that affects me as well.
I'm incredibly sad today because I know so many close people in my life that are grieving. On days like today, things like poker and blogs and my stock market loses seem utterly meaningless to me. I spend too much time worrying about life instead of living it. We all do. It takes these tragic moments like this for us to realize how lucky we are to be alive.
Right now some friends of mine are hurting pretty badly. This post is dedicated to them. If you guys need anything... just ask. I'm here for you all.
The Up for Poker guys lost one of their close friends this past weekend. I encourage you to stop by and read everything they had to say about Gulfman.
Last night, Flipchip's grandmother (and the Poker Prof's great-grandmother) passed away. She was 101. Flipchip is a guy who rarely displays his emotions in public, but he opened up his heart in a post called A Sad Day.
Over the last year, I really got to know Flipchip very well. We spent everyday at the WSOP in the trenches together and I can't think of any other photographer that I'd want to work with. Flipchip has also taken over the father figure role in my life offering me up advice and emotional support during difficult times. I'm grateful that he's always been there to help me deal with the curveballs that life throws at you everyday. He's hurting right now, I know that the Poker Prof is too and that affects me as well.
I'm incredibly sad today because I know so many close people in my life that are grieving. On days like today, things like poker and blogs and my stock market loses seem utterly meaningless to me. I spend too much time worrying about life instead of living it. We all do. It takes these tragic moments like this for us to realize how lucky we are to be alive.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Bloggers on TV and Gapped Toothed Hookers
My Type A personality sinks to a B- whenever I'm on the West Coast for more than two days. I kept putting off writing two freelance articles and found myself having to crank them out in less than 30 hours. I had to write a concert review of Friday night's Knit Ball for a German music magazine. Knit Ball was one of the best parties I've ever been to in Hollyweird, featuring two of my favorite bands Lotus and Particle in an event that the promoters described as "A mix of '70s space rock ala Pink Floyd, the swinging wah wah sass of a '70s porno soundtrack, and the speed, grandeur, inspired soloing and dexterity of '70s fusion." Along with my tournament column at Poker Pro Magazine, I had about 2000 words to write by Monday at 6am and I was unmotivated. The sun, smog, music, and medicinal marijuana tweaked my brain.
On Saturday afternoon, I sat at Change100's dining room table desperately trying to write about the Mirage Poker Showdown when my cell phone rang.
"Dude, are you in front of a TV?" Derek said without saying hello.
My initial thought was "What the fuck just blew up?"
"Put on the Game Show Network. Joe Speaker is on."
Derek was right. I flipped on GSN and Joe Speaker's episode of Greed was being aired. It was awesome to see Mr. Speaker on the boob tube. He was even dressed better than host Chuck Woolery.
"He looks so young!" commented Change100.
The other night I caught an old episode of The Weakest Link featuring Star Trek actors including Wil Wheaton. The chick host was tooling on Wil for only having one "L" in his name. I was waiting for him to ask her to remove the trout out of her twat that John Bonham shoved up there in a drunken stupor back in 1969.
I've been begging, tricking, and prop betting my way to get Change100 to show me episodes of the TV show she worked on as a former child actor. No such luck.
* * * * *
I dropped about $150 playing 5-10 on Party Poker this weekend. I made a call that makes me a 10 on the Fish Scale. With four aces on a board, I called a river bet with Queen high. I raised preflop with Q-9o on the button. Daddy calls Q-9 the "Gapped Toothed Hooker." The BB called and three aces flopped. We checked the flop and the turn. The case ace fell on the river and he bet out. I called. He had a King and I got properly fucked by The Gapped Toothed Hooker.
I watched the final episode of the Heads-Up Championship. Gabe Kaplan is hilarious. I almost pissed my pants when he made the Linda Tripp joke. The first televised poker I ever saw was almost ten years ago on ESPN2 at 4am. I was sitting on Senor's couch in Murray Hill and we were coming down after a night of partying with liquid sunshine. His roommate's girlfriend (who's now a suburban soccer mom) had too much to drink. She was passed out and rolled up in the fetal position on the floor of the bathroom. We couldn't find anything to watch when we stumbled upon televised poker. Kaplan hosted an old WSOP main event (I'm not 100% positive but it might have been the year that Stu Ungar won) and we thought it was the strangest thing in the world to see a poker tournament on ESPN.
I was bummed out that ESPN replaced Kaplan. The last WSOP that Kaplan announced was the year that Robert Fishkonyi won. For the past three years, I had to listen to those other two douchebags. OK, that's harsh. One douchebag and one stiff. I never met Lon but talking to a doorknob seems more exciting. Norman Chad was a complete dick to me at last year's WSOP. Gabe Kaplan never would have barked, "Get the fuck out of my way!!"
If I could have my dream poker broadcasting team, it would be Gabe Kaplan and Otis.
* * * * *
By the way, my buddy Senor wants to name his son Kain. I'd take a bullet for Senor. I'd donate a kidney to him if I had to. And I wouldn't be a good friend if I allowed him to ruin his son's life by giving him an awful name of negative biblical proportions. It's the only name that he and his Thai wife agree on. If he names him Kain, I'll refuse to call him that. Since he's Senor's second kid, I'll be calling him "Dos."
Do you have any name suggestions? I'll send them to Senor.
My Type A personality sinks to a B- whenever I'm on the West Coast for more than two days. I kept putting off writing two freelance articles and found myself having to crank them out in less than 30 hours. I had to write a concert review of Friday night's Knit Ball for a German music magazine. Knit Ball was one of the best parties I've ever been to in Hollyweird, featuring two of my favorite bands Lotus and Particle in an event that the promoters described as "A mix of '70s space rock ala Pink Floyd, the swinging wah wah sass of a '70s porno soundtrack, and the speed, grandeur, inspired soloing and dexterity of '70s fusion." Along with my tournament column at Poker Pro Magazine, I had about 2000 words to write by Monday at 6am and I was unmotivated. The sun, smog, music, and medicinal marijuana tweaked my brain.
On Saturday afternoon, I sat at Change100's dining room table desperately trying to write about the Mirage Poker Showdown when my cell phone rang.
"Dude, are you in front of a TV?" Derek said without saying hello.
My initial thought was "What the fuck just blew up?"
"Put on the Game Show Network. Joe Speaker is on."
Derek was right. I flipped on GSN and Joe Speaker's episode of Greed was being aired. It was awesome to see Mr. Speaker on the boob tube. He was even dressed better than host Chuck Woolery.
"He looks so young!" commented Change100.
The other night I caught an old episode of The Weakest Link featuring Star Trek actors including Wil Wheaton. The chick host was tooling on Wil for only having one "L" in his name. I was waiting for him to ask her to remove the trout out of her twat that John Bonham shoved up there in a drunken stupor back in 1969.
I've been begging, tricking, and prop betting my way to get Change100 to show me episodes of the TV show she worked on as a former child actor. No such luck.
I dropped about $150 playing 5-10 on Party Poker this weekend. I made a call that makes me a 10 on the Fish Scale. With four aces on a board, I called a river bet with Queen high. I raised preflop with Q-9o on the button. Daddy calls Q-9 the "Gapped Toothed Hooker." The BB called and three aces flopped. We checked the flop and the turn. The case ace fell on the river and he bet out. I called. He had a King and I got properly fucked by The Gapped Toothed Hooker.I watched the final episode of the Heads-Up Championship. Gabe Kaplan is hilarious. I almost pissed my pants when he made the Linda Tripp joke. The first televised poker I ever saw was almost ten years ago on ESPN2 at 4am. I was sitting on Senor's couch in Murray Hill and we were coming down after a night of partying with liquid sunshine. His roommate's girlfriend (who's now a suburban soccer mom) had too much to drink. She was passed out and rolled up in the fetal position on the floor of the bathroom. We couldn't find anything to watch when we stumbled upon televised poker. Kaplan hosted an old WSOP main event (I'm not 100% positive but it might have been the year that Stu Ungar won) and we thought it was the strangest thing in the world to see a poker tournament on ESPN.
I was bummed out that ESPN replaced Kaplan. The last WSOP that Kaplan announced was the year that Robert Fishkonyi won. For the past three years, I had to listen to those other two douchebags. OK, that's harsh. One douchebag and one stiff. I never met Lon but talking to a doorknob seems more exciting. Norman Chad was a complete dick to me at last year's WSOP. Gabe Kaplan never would have barked, "Get the fuck out of my way!!"
If I could have my dream poker broadcasting team, it would be Gabe Kaplan and Otis.
By the way, my buddy Senor wants to name his son Kain. I'd take a bullet for Senor. I'd donate a kidney to him if I had to. And I wouldn't be a good friend if I allowed him to ruin his son's life by giving him an awful name of negative biblical proportions. It's the only name that he and his Thai wife agree on. If he names him Kain, I'll refuse to call him that. Since he's Senor's second kid, I'll be calling him "Dos."
Do you have any name suggestions? I'll send them to Senor.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Tao of Keno: The Answers
TripJax asked but I'm not one for structure. Here are my answers:
1. What is the biggest mistake people make at a NL Keno table?
Not playing enough cards.
2. Why do you play Keno?
Keno offers up everything that's great about America. For a very small investment, you can get lucky and without any skill or intelligence you can win millions of dollars and get your own reality TV series. In addition, I hate my country's leaders and rather sit on my ass and play online Keno to buck the system and screw Uncle Sam out of his potential tax revenue.
3. If you weren't playing Keno, what would you be doing?
I'd be trying to pick up pothead sorority girls off of MySpace by playing Satellite by the Dave Matthews Band on guitar for them in Central Park.
4. What is your favorite Keno book and why?
Play Keno Like the Pros by my good buddy and professional Keno player Neil Fontenot. Neil is nihilist. He believes in nothing. That's why he plays all the numbers. His Top 10 Keno numbers should be memorized by anyone who wants to become a better Keno player. My other favorite Keno book is the Theory of Keno by David Sklansky.
6. Who is your favorite Keno player and why?
Without a doubt my buddy Neil. He's the most successful Keno pro that I know. He's not a degenerate and fuck up like the average Keno pro. He's got his shit together. He's engaged to a JC Penny model. They live in a two bedroom starter house in Glendale, but he just purchased a jetski. He's also using his earnings on the World Keno Tour to buy a new condo in Del Bocca Vista in Florida.
7. Which Keno player do you dislike the most and why?
That dumbass Dutch Boyd. I hate it when he does tricks with Keno crayons. So rude.
8. Do your coworkers know about your blog?
Hell no. They'd never let me hang out with them. Admitting that you are a blogger is the most embarrassing thing you can tell someone you have to see five days a week. Seriously, the next time you meet a hot chick (or guy or donkey) in a bar, the first thing out of your mouth is NOT going to be, "I spend all of my free time blogging about my hobby and playing online in my underwear with my malcontent online friends." The only thing more embarrassing is having a MySpace account.
9. What is the most you have won in a KENO cash game or tournament (both live and online)?
I won $420 once when I went for Abdul's bunching strategy and took four numbers close together.
10. What is the most you have lost in a Keno cash game or in one day total (both live and online)?
I lost my dignity online during a dark night when I spiraled to that evil and hellacious place that we don't like to talk about. That's the tipping point where you take one of three paths...
11. Who was your first Keno blog read?
I found Guinness and Keno and was hooked ever since. Iggy would get drunk and repost excerpts from hilarious Keno trip reports on RGK. I also found the Keno Grub at the same time. Grubby got me hooked on online Keno. He'd show me how to Keno-whore in Las Vegas and get free stuff like windbreakers and tickets to see Kool & the Gang at the Klondike. One of the first blogs I read was Professional Keno Player Chris Halverson. My favorite all time is The Crayon Speaks. HDouble's musings are sensational. His series "HDouble and Keno at the Movies" is some of the best writing you'll find on the internet. My favorite post all time is Brokeback Mountain and Keno: Why Vaseline Is Your Friend.
13. Why do you blog about Keno?
I read on 2+2 that if you have a popular Keno blog, then hot and horny women come out of the wood work to have sex with you and give you blowjobs in the Bellagio's parking deck. Because you know, there's some really intelligent and super hot Brazilian lingerie model out there who's addicted to online Keno and loves my Keno blog. She's been reading me for three years and holding back her infatuated crush that have bubbled over into a sea of volcanic lust that is ready to burst after she stalks me at the World Series of Keno. Plus, If you have a popular Keno blog, online Keno sites pay you ten dollars a month to put up their banners and shill their sites. I also heard that Keno tournament writers make $17,000 a year! If I did that for a living, then I can quit my job writing about poker and make a real living. I won't have to stay at the Castle anymore. I'll be able to afford the Luxor.
14. Do you read blogs from an RSS reader like bloglines or do you visit each blog?
I have all 347 Keno blogs on Bloglines. And I skim them all except SirFKenoman. I re-read his post at least three times a day. When I try to pick up old hookers in poorly lit casino bars in Atlantic City, I often quote stuff I read from my fellow Keno bloggers.
15. Would you rather play Keno for a living than do what you currently do for a living?
Yeah. I think if I work hard enough, I can become a world class Keno player, like my buddy Neil Fontenot. He used to work at Dairy Queen and drove a Geo Metro. He had a pregnant girlfriend, who already had two kids from two previous marriages. Now he's got a Ford Tarus and he broke up with the pregnant chick. Now he's going to marry a model and recently signed an four figure endorsement deal with Crayola. He's the new spokesman for Crayola the official Keno crayon on the World Keno Tour.
16. Do you wear a tin foil hat on occasion?
No. But I wrap my penis in foil because I heard that's what Bobby Bracelet, the 23rd Greatest Keno Player in the World does for good luck.
17. If you had to pin it down to one specific trait, what does a great Keno player have (or do) that separates them from an average player?
Balls. A pair of testicles. Enough guts to say, "Fuck it. Working at Dairy Queen is for sheep. And sheep get slaughtered. I'm good enough to be a professional Keno player. All I have to do is read every Keno book, watch Keno on TV, and play forty Keno cards at once. Then I'll win the World Series of Keno and go on the Jimmy Kimmel show. Then and only then will all the guys who hang out on the Keno message boards will respect me and stop sending me soiled condoms in the mail."
18. Is Drizz the coolest person on the planet for naming his baby Vegas?
The Keno Nerd is cooler for naming his new kid Keno.
19. What is your primary Keno goal and are you close to accomplishing it?
To get invited to the Playboy Mansion and sell my screenplay. It's not just about Keno, it's about life and the frailty of friendships. An up and coming Keno player loses all his money to an Albanian Mafia boss in an underground Keno club in Hilljack, Indiana, then solves an enigmatic riddle to discover that it leads to a trail of clues hidden in the works of Andy Wharhol, clues visible for all to see, and yet ingeniously disguised by the painter. I don't want to ruin it for you, but Lou Reed is really Jesus' kid. He speaks the truth in the Velvet Underground's song Heroin:
20. What is your primary online site and why?
The fish play on Party Keno so that's where I play. I also shill for a few other sites. I earned enough points to get a free oil change at Jiffy Lube. I gave it to my ex-girlfriend for Valentine's Day. I also like playing online at Keno Stars because former child actor Claire Danes hosts weekly tournaments called My So Called Keno.
21. What site do you dislike and why?
I hate Noble Keno and Titan Keno. The worst software in the industry. I should be shot for shilling for them, but I was running bad at Keno that month and was starving. They offered me $25 and a pecan roll.
1. What is the biggest mistake people make at a NL Keno table?
Not playing enough cards.
2. Why do you play Keno?
Keno offers up everything that's great about America. For a very small investment, you can get lucky and without any skill or intelligence you can win millions of dollars and get your own reality TV series. In addition, I hate my country's leaders and rather sit on my ass and play online Keno to buck the system and screw Uncle Sam out of his potential tax revenue.
3. If you weren't playing Keno, what would you be doing?
I'd be trying to pick up pothead sorority girls off of MySpace by playing Satellite by the Dave Matthews Band on guitar for them in Central Park.
4. What is your favorite Keno book and why?Play Keno Like the Pros by my good buddy and professional Keno player Neil Fontenot. Neil is nihilist. He believes in nothing. That's why he plays all the numbers. His Top 10 Keno numbers should be memorized by anyone who wants to become a better Keno player. My other favorite Keno book is the Theory of Keno by David Sklansky.
6. Who is your favorite Keno player and why?
Without a doubt my buddy Neil. He's the most successful Keno pro that I know. He's not a degenerate and fuck up like the average Keno pro. He's got his shit together. He's engaged to a JC Penny model. They live in a two bedroom starter house in Glendale, but he just purchased a jetski. He's also using his earnings on the World Keno Tour to buy a new condo in Del Bocca Vista in Florida.
7. Which Keno player do you dislike the most and why?
That dumbass Dutch Boyd. I hate it when he does tricks with Keno crayons. So rude.
8. Do your coworkers know about your blog?
Hell no. They'd never let me hang out with them. Admitting that you are a blogger is the most embarrassing thing you can tell someone you have to see five days a week. Seriously, the next time you meet a hot chick (or guy or donkey) in a bar, the first thing out of your mouth is NOT going to be, "I spend all of my free time blogging about my hobby and playing online in my underwear with my malcontent online friends." The only thing more embarrassing is having a MySpace account.
9. What is the most you have won in a KENO cash game or tournament (both live and online)?
I won $420 once when I went for Abdul's bunching strategy and took four numbers close together.
10. What is the most you have lost in a Keno cash game or in one day total (both live and online)?
I lost my dignity online during a dark night when I spiraled to that evil and hellacious place that we don't like to talk about. That's the tipping point where you take one of three paths...
1. You go suicidal and kill yourself.
2. You go pyschopathic and kill other people, then yourself.
3. You get your shit together and finally realize that the fat fuck Buddha was right all these years... that life is all about suffering. So suck it up. Smoke a joint. Fuck a stranger. And stop taking yourself so seriously.
11. Who was your first Keno blog read?
I found Guinness and Keno and was hooked ever since. Iggy would get drunk and repost excerpts from hilarious Keno trip reports on RGK. I also found the Keno Grub at the same time. Grubby got me hooked on online Keno. He'd show me how to Keno-whore in Las Vegas and get free stuff like windbreakers and tickets to see Kool & the Gang at the Klondike. One of the first blogs I read was Professional Keno Player Chris Halverson. My favorite all time is The Crayon Speaks. HDouble's musings are sensational. His series "HDouble and Keno at the Movies" is some of the best writing you'll find on the internet. My favorite post all time is Brokeback Mountain and Keno: Why Vaseline Is Your Friend.
13. Why do you blog about Keno?
I read on 2+2 that if you have a popular Keno blog, then hot and horny women come out of the wood work to have sex with you and give you blowjobs in the Bellagio's parking deck. Because you know, there's some really intelligent and super hot Brazilian lingerie model out there who's addicted to online Keno and loves my Keno blog. She's been reading me for three years and holding back her infatuated crush that have bubbled over into a sea of volcanic lust that is ready to burst after she stalks me at the World Series of Keno. Plus, If you have a popular Keno blog, online Keno sites pay you ten dollars a month to put up their banners and shill their sites. I also heard that Keno tournament writers make $17,000 a year! If I did that for a living, then I can quit my job writing about poker and make a real living. I won't have to stay at the Castle anymore. I'll be able to afford the Luxor.
14. Do you read blogs from an RSS reader like bloglines or do you visit each blog?
I have all 347 Keno blogs on Bloglines. And I skim them all except SirFKenoman. I re-read his post at least three times a day. When I try to pick up old hookers in poorly lit casino bars in Atlantic City, I often quote stuff I read from my fellow Keno bloggers.
15. Would you rather play Keno for a living than do what you currently do for a living?
Yeah. I think if I work hard enough, I can become a world class Keno player, like my buddy Neil Fontenot. He used to work at Dairy Queen and drove a Geo Metro. He had a pregnant girlfriend, who already had two kids from two previous marriages. Now he's got a Ford Tarus and he broke up with the pregnant chick. Now he's going to marry a model and recently signed an four figure endorsement deal with Crayola. He's the new spokesman for Crayola the official Keno crayon on the World Keno Tour.
16. Do you wear a tin foil hat on occasion?No. But I wrap my penis in foil because I heard that's what Bobby Bracelet, the 23rd Greatest Keno Player in the World does for good luck.
17. If you had to pin it down to one specific trait, what does a great Keno player have (or do) that separates them from an average player?
Balls. A pair of testicles. Enough guts to say, "Fuck it. Working at Dairy Queen is for sheep. And sheep get slaughtered. I'm good enough to be a professional Keno player. All I have to do is read every Keno book, watch Keno on TV, and play forty Keno cards at once. Then I'll win the World Series of Keno and go on the Jimmy Kimmel show. Then and only then will all the guys who hang out on the Keno message boards will respect me and stop sending me soiled condoms in the mail."
18. Is Drizz the coolest person on the planet for naming his baby Vegas?
The Keno Nerd is cooler for naming his new kid Keno.
19. What is your primary Keno goal and are you close to accomplishing it?
To get invited to the Playboy Mansion and sell my screenplay. It's not just about Keno, it's about life and the frailty of friendships. An up and coming Keno player loses all his money to an Albanian Mafia boss in an underground Keno club in Hilljack, Indiana, then solves an enigmatic riddle to discover that it leads to a trail of clues hidden in the works of Andy Wharhol, clues visible for all to see, and yet ingeniously disguised by the painter. I don't want to ruin it for you, but Lou Reed is really Jesus' kid. He speaks the truth in the Velvet Underground's song Heroin:
I don't know just where I'm going
But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can
'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man
When I put a spike into my vein
And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same
When I'm rushing on my run
And I feel just like Jesus' son
20. What is your primary online site and why?
The fish play on Party Keno so that's where I play. I also shill for a few other sites. I earned enough points to get a free oil change at Jiffy Lube. I gave it to my ex-girlfriend for Valentine's Day. I also like playing online at Keno Stars because former child actor Claire Danes hosts weekly tournaments called My So Called Keno.
21. What site do you dislike and why?
I hate Noble Keno and Titan Keno. The worst software in the industry. I should be shot for shilling for them, but I was running bad at Keno that month and was starving. They offered me $25 and a pecan roll.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
On the Road and Quality Posts
I won $40 in an American Legion daily raffle last week. I usually win once a year. The most I ever picked up in one drawing was $100. The Bronx County American Legion mailed me a check and everything. I guess I'm feeling lucky. My mother had a free room at Showboat in Atlantic City and left this morning. I almost went with her but I'm flying out to the left coast in a few hours. I'm heading out of pollen-drenched NYC and going to Hollyweird for several days. I'll be at the Knitting Factory in West Hollywood on Friday night to catch Knit Ball which is a collection of several groups of the space porn genre, including two of my favorite bands Particle and Lotus.
Last night, I dropped a buy-in playing 10-20 on Party Poker even though I cracked A-A with J-J and busted A-K with A-Qs. I dropped down in levels and won it all back. Go figure. I lost a PLO SNG when I flopped quads and made a terrible decision and slow played them only to get busted by runner runner quads over quads.
I also watched some of the WPT Borgata Winter Open last night. The Grinder beat Erick Lindgren heads up this past February and I caught the action live from media row. Check out my live blogging coverage of the WPT Borgata final table which includes photos. John D'Agstino made a huge laydown with 10-10. The board was all rags, but Lindgren flopped a set of 4s. He raised two million and D'Ags eventually mucked. The dealer rabbit hunted and Lindgren would have rivered quads.
The new WPT hostess and former model Sabina Gadecki
By the way, Flipchip took this photo of the new WPT hostess Sabina Gadeki last night during the taping of the final table of the WPT Mirage Showdown. He posted it over at Las Vegas and Poker Blog. Thanks for the pic! BJ posted something called Introducing Sabina Gadecki. Take a peek.
Check out Grubby's Red Rock Casino Poker Room Tips. He offers some great advice including some food tips! Grubby and I played at Red Rock on my last night in Las Vegas. It's one of the few places on the planet that spreads Omaha Hi. I can't wait to return and win my money back from Capt. Glass Eye.
Yesterday, I cleaned up the side bar and added several posts to my Quality Posts and Best of the Tao of Poker category. There are over 30+ posts in there. Here are the new additions:
I wonder if my bad allergies can qualify me for a medicinal marijuana card in California?
I won $40 in an American Legion daily raffle last week. I usually win once a year. The most I ever picked up in one drawing was $100. The Bronx County American Legion mailed me a check and everything. I guess I'm feeling lucky. My mother had a free room at Showboat in Atlantic City and left this morning. I almost went with her but I'm flying out to the left coast in a few hours. I'm heading out of pollen-drenched NYC and going to Hollyweird for several days. I'll be at the Knitting Factory in West Hollywood on Friday night to catch Knit Ball which is a collection of several groups of the space porn genre, including two of my favorite bands Particle and Lotus.
Last night, I dropped a buy-in playing 10-20 on Party Poker even though I cracked A-A with J-J and busted A-K with A-Qs. I dropped down in levels and won it all back. Go figure. I lost a PLO SNG when I flopped quads and made a terrible decision and slow played them only to get busted by runner runner quads over quads.
I also watched some of the WPT Borgata Winter Open last night. The Grinder beat Erick Lindgren heads up this past February and I caught the action live from media row. Check out my live blogging coverage of the WPT Borgata final table which includes photos. John D'Agstino made a huge laydown with 10-10. The board was all rags, but Lindgren flopped a set of 4s. He raised two million and D'Ags eventually mucked. The dealer rabbit hunted and Lindgren would have rivered quads.
The new WPT hostess and former model Sabina Gadecki
By the way, Flipchip took this photo of the new WPT hostess Sabina Gadeki last night during the taping of the final table of the WPT Mirage Showdown. He posted it over at Las Vegas and Poker Blog. Thanks for the pic! BJ posted something called Introducing Sabina Gadecki. Take a peek.
Check out Grubby's Red Rock Casino Poker Room Tips. He offers some great advice including some food tips! Grubby and I played at Red Rock on my last night in Las Vegas. It's one of the few places on the planet that spreads Omaha Hi. I can't wait to return and win my money back from Capt. Glass Eye.
Yesterday, I cleaned up the side bar and added several posts to my Quality Posts and Best of the Tao of Poker category. There are over 30+ posts in there. Here are the new additions:
Haleywood HomegameThose quality posts are why Felicia mentioned me in her recent post where she listed her favorite poker blogs. She admits, "He writes the way I like. He runs the gamut of writing styles, maybe because he's stoned all the time, go figure."
Hammers, Hilton Sisters, Dial-a-Shots, and other Post-Modern Poker Vernacular
Circles & Poker
Bloggers in Wonderland: Part 4
Turn This Mother Out
Gilligan's Island and Poker
Market Corrections, Bozos, and Bolos
Bukowski & Poker
Strippers & Blow
April Sojourn
2006 WPT Championship
Glass Eyes and Red Rocks
Taoism and Bruce Lee Part I
Through the Looking Glass: April Maelstrom
Wall St. Game
I wonder if my bad allergies can qualify me for a medicinal marijuana card in California?
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Hump Day Pimp Day: Grinding Limit, Sabina Gadeki, and WSOP Bound
Been writing about poker, music, and competitive eating over the last two days. Worked on two freelance articles with deadlines this Friday and Monday. One assignment is my online poker column for Poker Player Newspaper and the other is a recap of the WPT for Poker Pro Magazine.
I've also been playing online like a spider monkey jacked up on Ritalin. I've been sticking to cash games. Grinding is not fun. It's not glorious. The details are hardly blogworthy. But as Joey Knish said, "It's pays my bills. Alimony. My kids eat."
He's right. Lucky for me I have zero ex-wives and zero kids, at least that I don't know about. I have this fear that there's a dark haired five year old kid running around Iceland that looks like a mini-version of me, but with an Icelandic accent. One of my greatest nightmares is that a leggy blonde Icelandic Air stewardess with high cheek bones shows up at my door with my illegitimate offspring. Blondes and booze impair my judgment and withdrawal skills.
"You left this inside of me five yeas ago. You can have it back now."
Moving on...
For the first time in several months I cashed out a small percentage of my bankroll from my Party Poker account to spend on myself. I'd rather use that cash for personal enjoyment than have some assclown and fucktard bad beat it out of me. I've been following a winning formula. I play 10-20 at nights and weekends when I'm ultra focused. I usually play 5-10 when the right fish are biting. And I multi-table 3-6 on Party Poker because according to Poker Tracker that's where I'm the most profitable.
To keep my poker mind fresh, I've been playing PLO SNGs on Poker Stars. If you don't know, Poker Stars is running several promotions such as double VIP points and a shot at winning a bonus if you get dealt the 5 Billionth hand. So I've been lurking on Poker Stars getting my PLO fix and trying to get lucky with the jackpot.
I've been playing Limit on Full Tilt when I sweat friends in tournaments. I was on the rail when Change100 took second place (out of 151) in yesterday's MTT action. The night before she cashed in two huge multis taking 15th and 16th. The 15/2000 on the $3 rebuy on Poker Stars was impressive since she was shortstacked most of the tournament. Looks like everyone's favorite Hollyweird Junkgrabber found her groove in MTTs. Like I suggested to her, you need to figure out where you are most profitable and maximize that aspect of your game.
For me it's Limit and as I said earlier, playing limit is plebeian and not titillating. It's ABC poker where you're folding lots of hands, raising when you are ahead, and calling (or raising) when you have big draws. Unlike NL, you can pound the hell out of your draws in Limit and those are usually the biggest hands that you scoop, especially when you catch those cards in multi-way pots.
For a while I felt ashamed that I was a Limit player since NL is sexy and popular. But I decided that being a winning Limit player was more fun than being a losing or breakeven NL player. I play for enjoyment and to make money and to take out my frustrations. Sure there's more money to be made in NL, but I'm still prone to making too many mistakes and somedays I can't control my descent into tiltdom. I started playing Limit online about a year ago because I made too many poor decisions at the NL tables. I folded way too much to players moving all in on me and I bluffed to much out of position. Bottom line... I don't trust myself enough to play NL consistently, especially online. If I do play NL it's always live where I'm a much better overall poker player. Besides, NL tournaments are fools gold.
I still play NL and I play the occasional NL tournament online, but I don't rely on that to pad my bankroll. Those games along with PLO are for fun for me, while the Limit tables are all business. But then I can use the money I grinded away in Limit for fun things like concert tickets to Bonnaroo or to Widespread Panic.
* * * * *
The fifth season of the WPT began this week with the Mirage Poker Showdown in Las Vegas. I skipped this event. I'm not going to cover any poker tournament between now and the WSOP. I need to rest up.
Here's the final table chipcount (courtesy of Poker Wire) which included my favorite ass-worshiping, feet jizzing pro David Williams:
Of course the buzz around the WPT this week is that the lovely Courtney Friel has been replaced. I dunno if she got the ax or she quit. The first time I ever met Courtney was at the Borgata in Atlantic City last September. It was my birthday and she was standing around BJ and the Poker Wire girls who wished me b-day greetings. Courtney turned around and gave me a big birthday hug. To which I replied, "How yooooooo doin?"
Of course, there were the tickle fights with BJ and Courtney (both pictured here at the five Diamond Classic at the Bellagio) in press row and that made me insanely jealous. Whenever I'd see Courtney she'd always say hello calling me by my first name. Steve Hall said that she's a bright girl and reads your name on your press badge before she says hello and that Shana Hiatt was never quick enough to pick up on that. Everyone called Shana Hiatt the girl next door. I always saw Courtney Friel as that popular cheerleader in high school or the hot sorority chick that you gave your Chem notes to because you were convinced that she was going to repay the favor by going down on you.
Now, we have a new girl named Sabina Gadeki. She's a cutie. Wicked Chops Poker has some of the first photos of the new WPT hostess including a student film that she did in NYC. She's a former Miss Teen Poland or something like that who's an aspiring actress. She's got a sweet gig. She gets to travel all over the world and get hit on by scumbag overweight poker players who haven't showered in days. But at least she's on TV and gets to have tickle fights with BJ.
* * * * *
Finally, I was happy to see this email in my inbox. It's from one of the executives at the WSOP. I'm officially going to be covering my second WSOP in a few weeks and I can't wait!
* * * * *
Recent Poker Playing Music...
1. James Brown
2. Particle
3. Tea Green Leaf
4. Grateful Dead
5. John Coltrane
Been writing about poker, music, and competitive eating over the last two days. Worked on two freelance articles with deadlines this Friday and Monday. One assignment is my online poker column for Poker Player Newspaper and the other is a recap of the WPT for Poker Pro Magazine.
I've also been playing online like a spider monkey jacked up on Ritalin. I've been sticking to cash games. Grinding is not fun. It's not glorious. The details are hardly blogworthy. But as Joey Knish said, "It's pays my bills. Alimony. My kids eat."
He's right. Lucky for me I have zero ex-wives and zero kids, at least that I don't know about. I have this fear that there's a dark haired five year old kid running around Iceland that looks like a mini-version of me, but with an Icelandic accent. One of my greatest nightmares is that a leggy blonde Icelandic Air stewardess with high cheek bones shows up at my door with my illegitimate offspring. Blondes and booze impair my judgment and withdrawal skills.
"You left this inside of me five yeas ago. You can have it back now."
Moving on...
For the first time in several months I cashed out a small percentage of my bankroll from my Party Poker account to spend on myself. I'd rather use that cash for personal enjoyment than have some assclown and fucktard bad beat it out of me. I've been following a winning formula. I play 10-20 at nights and weekends when I'm ultra focused. I usually play 5-10 when the right fish are biting. And I multi-table 3-6 on Party Poker because according to Poker Tracker that's where I'm the most profitable.
To keep my poker mind fresh, I've been playing PLO SNGs on Poker Stars. If you don't know, Poker Stars is running several promotions such as double VIP points and a shot at winning a bonus if you get dealt the 5 Billionth hand. So I've been lurking on Poker Stars getting my PLO fix and trying to get lucky with the jackpot.I've been playing Limit on Full Tilt when I sweat friends in tournaments. I was on the rail when Change100 took second place (out of 151) in yesterday's MTT action. The night before she cashed in two huge multis taking 15th and 16th. The 15/2000 on the $3 rebuy on Poker Stars was impressive since she was shortstacked most of the tournament. Looks like everyone's favorite Hollyweird Junkgrabber found her groove in MTTs. Like I suggested to her, you need to figure out where you are most profitable and maximize that aspect of your game.
For me it's Limit and as I said earlier, playing limit is plebeian and not titillating. It's ABC poker where you're folding lots of hands, raising when you are ahead, and calling (or raising) when you have big draws. Unlike NL, you can pound the hell out of your draws in Limit and those are usually the biggest hands that you scoop, especially when you catch those cards in multi-way pots.
For a while I felt ashamed that I was a Limit player since NL is sexy and popular. But I decided that being a winning Limit player was more fun than being a losing or breakeven NL player. I play for enjoyment and to make money and to take out my frustrations. Sure there's more money to be made in NL, but I'm still prone to making too many mistakes and somedays I can't control my descent into tiltdom. I started playing Limit online about a year ago because I made too many poor decisions at the NL tables. I folded way too much to players moving all in on me and I bluffed to much out of position. Bottom line... I don't trust myself enough to play NL consistently, especially online. If I do play NL it's always live where I'm a much better overall poker player. Besides, NL tournaments are fools gold.
I still play NL and I play the occasional NL tournament online, but I don't rely on that to pad my bankroll. Those games along with PLO are for fun for me, while the Limit tables are all business. But then I can use the money I grinded away in Limit for fun things like concert tickets to Bonnaroo or to Widespread Panic.
The fifth season of the WPT began this week with the Mirage Poker Showdown in Las Vegas. I skipped this event. I'm not going to cover any poker tournament between now and the WSOP. I need to rest up.Here's the final table chipcount (courtesy of Poker Wire) which included my favorite ass-worshiping, feet jizzing pro David Williams:
1 Stan Weiss $2.437MIf you're looking for chipcounts visit my friends Jen, Heather, and Amanda at Poker Wire. And if you want live updates, check out Spaceman's coverage at Bluff Magazine. Plus Flipchip has taken some photos so stop by Las Vegas and Poker Blog to see them.
2 Robert "I'm the brother of the Grinder" Mizrachi $2.019M
3 Devin Porter $964K
4 David Williams $921K
5 Harry Demetriou $822K
6 Steve Frederick $545K
Of course the buzz around the WPT this week is that the lovely Courtney Friel has been replaced. I dunno if she got the ax or she quit. The first time I ever met Courtney was at the Borgata in Atlantic City last September. It was my birthday and she was standing around BJ and the Poker Wire girls who wished me b-day greetings. Courtney turned around and gave me a big birthday hug. To which I replied, "How yooooooo doin?"
Of course, there were the tickle fights with BJ and Courtney (both pictured here at the five Diamond Classic at the Bellagio) in press row and that made me insanely jealous. Whenever I'd see Courtney she'd always say hello calling me by my first name. Steve Hall said that she's a bright girl and reads your name on your press badge before she says hello and that Shana Hiatt was never quick enough to pick up on that. Everyone called Shana Hiatt the girl next door. I always saw Courtney Friel as that popular cheerleader in high school or the hot sorority chick that you gave your Chem notes to because you were convinced that she was going to repay the favor by going down on you.
Now, we have a new girl named Sabina Gadeki. She's a cutie. Wicked Chops Poker has some of the first photos of the new WPT hostess including a student film that she did in NYC. She's a former Miss Teen Poland or something like that who's an aspiring actress. She's got a sweet gig. She gets to travel all over the world and get hit on by scumbag overweight poker players who haven't showered in days. But at least she's on TV and gets to have tickle fights with BJ.
Dr. Pauly,Be sure to take a peek at the revised 2006 WSOP schedule.
Thank you for your interest in the 37th annual World Series of Poker. I am pleased to inform you that your application for press credentials has been approved.
You can pick up your press badge at the media credential office in the World Series of Poker tournament area beginning June xx.
Please note, you will need to provide a photo identification that confirms your age in order to receive your credentials. Also, please be aware you will need a wi-fi enabled laptop computer if you plan to file reports from the World Series of Poker media center. "Hard" data lines will not be available this year.
By submitting your application, you have agreed to abide by the media guidelines posted at www.worldseriesofpoker.com/press. Please review those terms in advance of your arrival at the World Series of Poker and feel free to contact the media relations team with any questions.
We look forward to seeing you at the Rio All-Suite Hotel & Casino this summer.
Nicole
Recent Poker Playing Music...
1. James Brown
2. Particle
3. Tea Green Leaf
4. Grateful Dead
5. John Coltrane
Monday, May 15, 2006
LaFelta Vermouth and the Village Drunk
Last year I traveled to the Midwest for a three day bender that spread across three states. Inside of a 48 hour period, I won a tournament in Hilljack, Indiana, puked in Daddy's car, saw a Reds game, attended a concert, and played cornhole at the Hoffbrauhaus in Kentucky at 2am. After that memorable trip, I returned for more hijinks. We had several returning characters in the sequel, including a couple of new and familiar faces.
Thursday
It had been a while since I flew an airline other than JetBlue, which doesn't fly into Cincinnati. I booked Delta, which I used to fly all the time when they were one of the best in the industry. These days, JetBlue gets all my business... 11 flights since November and I have two coming up in the next week. Since Delta doesn't offer free TV, I listened to my iPod and read Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself to Live
.
If there's one guy I want to be... it's Klosterman, that lucky fuck. He's has both Spin magazine and ESPN on his writer's resume and gets paid to write about music, pop culture, and sports. Anyway in his recent book, Spin sends the neurotic pot smoking Klosterman to random locations all over America where famous rockstars died. He headed out on a roadtrip to several infamous landmarks such as the Chelsea Hotel in New York City on 23rd Street, around the corner from where I used to live. The Chelsea Hotel was the spot where the Sex Pistol's talentless bass player Sid Vicious killed his girlfriend Nancy Spungen in an alcho-narcotic-driven stupor. Klosterman also visited the field in Mississippi where Lynard Skynard's plane crashed and at the intersection in Macon, Georgia where Duane Allman was killed in a traffic accident when his motorcycle was (supposedly) hit by a peach truck.
Iggy picked me up at the airport before we drove around Kentucky looking for a Cracker Barrel. We didn't find one and took the backroads to Belterra Casino. I spotted a sign for a tractor pull just before we crossed the Ohio River into Indiana. The Belterra is a riverboat casino and degenerate gamblers from Indiana, Ohio, and Kentucky flock there because Indiana is the only state in the area that allows gambling.
The Belterra's luxury hotel is located on land, but the casino is on an actual riverboat connected to the hotel. The casino floor area is small with hundreds of blue hairs shoving their social security checks into the maze-like rows of slot machines.
"Heaven's waiting room," is what one friend of mine called the slots area in casinos.
Iggy frequently plays poker in the crescent moon shaped room at Belterra. We arrived just after lunchtime with four tables of action going. As we waited to be seated, I found a copy of Poker Player Newspaper. That particular issue featured the first running of my new column on online poker. I was a little bit giddy as I showed it to Iggy. It took me a year to get promoted to regular columnist. Click here to download the current issue.
We played poker for a few hours. Iggy and I sat at the same 3-6 and 4-8 tables. I lost $73 against a bunch of elderly good old boys with Southern accents and rural twangs. We quit to go eat and drink. Iggy ordered two beers at once at the bar because our bartender was slow. She was horrible.
Friday
After eating at a Cracker Barrel in Kentucky, we picked up Maudie at the airport and checked into the hotel in Covington, Kentucky just over the river from Cincinnati. Last year, Daddy and I walked over the bridge to go to the Reds game. And just like last year, Iggy rented out a suite. We actually had the same exact suite. Daddy and BG drove in from Indiana for some pre-partying before the evening Reds game. BG told us about his tryst the night before with a gal wearing a trucker's hat while we played a variation of Chinese Poker that had a few Go Fish elements. It's basically Chinese Poker but you can draw up to 4 cards. We played three-handed and I lost quads over quads on several instances. BG picked up a few bucks from both me and Daddy, who got smoked.
Iggy's buddy Dann works for the Reds and hooked us up with amazing seats. He helped Iggy put out the message on the Jumbrotron welcoming for us to the game. It was cold and soggy night, but we drank and ate through it, despite the Reds loss.
After the game I played six handed NL in the suite with BG, Maudie, Daddy, GMoney, and Iggy. I got felted three times and never bought back in after I went on serious tilt. I was playing Iggy's mucked cards since he was two seats to my left. On two instances I went broke, one time with SMTL against BG's Hiltons. Maudie knocked back tequila and walked away the big winner the first night.
At 4am, I accompanied a very drunk Daddy to the Waffle House a few blocks away. On the way to the Reds game we were told by our cab driver that the Waffle House was considered the dirtiest in the area and was cited for several health code violations. That Waffle House was the late night magnet for the lowest strata of society which included raccoon-eyed meth dealers, haunty hookers, Glock-packing pimps, drunken frat boys, and several deranged members of the local homeless population.
My friend Lori (who went to law school in Covington) warned me, "That's were people disappear from. You know, like so-and-so was last seen at the Waffle House before going missing for three weeks. Then the police find their rotting and raped corpse floating in the Ohio River."
Alas, you can't keep a drunk fat man away from hashbrowns and pecan waffles, despite the dangerous circumstances.
We survived our dining experience with no problems as Daddy hit on all the waitresses including one scary looking chick with gang tattoos behind her both of her ears. I have enough material for a Truckin' story, perhaps two. I'm going back to Hollyweird this week so I can pitch them a new reality series where Daddy and I travel around America eating in Waffle Houses and Denny's at 3am after we drink beer and huff airplane glue in the parking lot. It can also be a ground breaking documentary film. Degenerate cinema. I might even pitch the idea to European venture capitalists. Those Germans with film almost anything.
Saturday
I woke up early to buy Widespread Panic summer tour tickets at Red Rocks, Colorado and for two shows in LA. We drove to the Anchor Grill for breakfast. Five hungover souls squeezed into a small booth in the 24 hour dive that specializes in goetta, which is oats and sausage. It looks like a fried, flattened horseshit but is considered a delicacy.
"Goetta is an acquired taste," I'm told from the locals.
I took two bites and that was enough. I should have tried it with syrup but I was scared. They had a jukebox and Iggy played Patsy Cline for Maudie.
We played poker in the suite and drank for about 10 hourswhile some of Iggy's buddies showed up to play such as Huggie Bear, Dann, Jim, The Sheriff, TDub, Mr. Fabulous, and GMoney who brought all the kick ass tunes. We also had a special guest blogger... Duggle Bogey!
The real drama started when the infamous Fast Eddie arrived. I've seen pictures on Iggy's blog and heard the stories. Fast Eddie was an admitted redneck and hick with a six figure bankroll who played 10 SNGs at once.
"Is the entire floor revolving, or is that just the restaurant?" Fast Eddie asked in his slow drawl as he stared out the window of the suite. Two floors above us was the rotating restaurant. Our floor was stationary.
Fast Eddie would go on a tear after he had just $8 in chips remaining. When he tripled up, he left faster than he walked in. Lucky for me we had 12 players at that point and had to split the game up into two tables. I sat at the "kiddie table," a nickname that we (Daddy, TDub, GMoney, Duggle, and Dann) gave our game since the average pot was about $4. The other table (Iggy, Fast Eddie, Mr. Fab, Maudie, BG, and Sheriff) had players going all in on almost every hand. The pots were huge and everyone in that game had to rebuy at one time.
I started out winning a few prop bets from Duggle after we started picking "high card" out of the muck. When I was heads up with Daddy, we'd play Vegas Hold'em rules where we both got to see one of each other's hole cards. I bluffed him out of a pot with the Hammer. He had A-Q. His ace was exposed and my 2 of diamonds was exposed. The flop was K-Q-x with two diamonds. The turn was the 2 of clubs. I moved all in and Daddy mucked his A-Q face up because he thought I turned a set with 2-2. I did a similar move with 3-3 earlier in the night. I showed the Hammer bluff. Grubby would be proud. He's the originator of both the Hammer and Vegas Hold'em and I utilized both in the same hand.
After singing the lyrics to The Band's Don't Do It for the 347th time, Daddy admitted he was going to name his first born daughter "LaFelta Vermouth." That would be a great name for my jazz band. I think that Daddy was inspired from Drizz naming his newborn daughter Vegas.
I was down early and came back when I put GMoney on slight tilt after I sucked out on him twice. We eventually combined the two tables and I ended up winning back the money I lost the night before. Daddy lost a few bucks doing Roshambo with Iggy on Friday night. He picked up some cash on a prop bet when he chugged an entire grape Smirnoff Ice. It was one of those nights when everyone was drinking, laughing, and playing cards. I'm glad that I had the chance to party it up with my friends, hang out with Iggy's Cincinnati homies, watch Maudie shoot tequila, and play in a homegame with Duggle.
Just before 6am, we returned to the sketchy Waffle House so Daddy could eat another plate of triple hashbrowns topped with Bert's chili. He hit on the same pear-shaped waitress from the night before along with every female employee inlcuding the one who was missing a few teeth. The sun slowly crept above the Kentucky hills as we stumbled out of the dirtiest Waffle House in the South. Folks were getting up to go to church, as we capped off another epic night of drinking and gambling.
Last year I traveled to the Midwest for a three day bender that spread across three states. Inside of a 48 hour period, I won a tournament in Hilljack, Indiana, puked in Daddy's car, saw a Reds game, attended a concert, and played cornhole at the Hoffbrauhaus in Kentucky at 2am. After that memorable trip, I returned for more hijinks. We had several returning characters in the sequel, including a couple of new and familiar faces.
Thursday
It had been a while since I flew an airline other than JetBlue, which doesn't fly into Cincinnati. I booked Delta, which I used to fly all the time when they were one of the best in the industry. These days, JetBlue gets all my business... 11 flights since November and I have two coming up in the next week. Since Delta doesn't offer free TV, I listened to my iPod and read Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself to Live
.If there's one guy I want to be... it's Klosterman, that lucky fuck. He's has both Spin magazine and ESPN on his writer's resume and gets paid to write about music, pop culture, and sports. Anyway in his recent book, Spin sends the neurotic pot smoking Klosterman to random locations all over America where famous rockstars died. He headed out on a roadtrip to several infamous landmarks such as the Chelsea Hotel in New York City on 23rd Street, around the corner from where I used to live. The Chelsea Hotel was the spot where the Sex Pistol's talentless bass player Sid Vicious killed his girlfriend Nancy Spungen in an alcho-narcotic-driven stupor. Klosterman also visited the field in Mississippi where Lynard Skynard's plane crashed and at the intersection in Macon, Georgia where Duane Allman was killed in a traffic accident when his motorcycle was (supposedly) hit by a peach truck.
Iggy picked me up at the airport before we drove around Kentucky looking for a Cracker Barrel. We didn't find one and took the backroads to Belterra Casino. I spotted a sign for a tractor pull just before we crossed the Ohio River into Indiana. The Belterra is a riverboat casino and degenerate gamblers from Indiana, Ohio, and Kentucky flock there because Indiana is the only state in the area that allows gambling.
The Belterra's luxury hotel is located on land, but the casino is on an actual riverboat connected to the hotel. The casino floor area is small with hundreds of blue hairs shoving their social security checks into the maze-like rows of slot machines."Heaven's waiting room," is what one friend of mine called the slots area in casinos.
Iggy frequently plays poker in the crescent moon shaped room at Belterra. We arrived just after lunchtime with four tables of action going. As we waited to be seated, I found a copy of Poker Player Newspaper. That particular issue featured the first running of my new column on online poker. I was a little bit giddy as I showed it to Iggy. It took me a year to get promoted to regular columnist. Click here to download the current issue.
We played poker for a few hours. Iggy and I sat at the same 3-6 and 4-8 tables. I lost $73 against a bunch of elderly good old boys with Southern accents and rural twangs. We quit to go eat and drink. Iggy ordered two beers at once at the bar because our bartender was slow. She was horrible.
Friday
After eating at a Cracker Barrel in Kentucky, we picked up Maudie at the airport and checked into the hotel in Covington, Kentucky just over the river from Cincinnati. Last year, Daddy and I walked over the bridge to go to the Reds game. And just like last year, Iggy rented out a suite. We actually had the same exact suite. Daddy and BG drove in from Indiana for some pre-partying before the evening Reds game. BG told us about his tryst the night before with a gal wearing a trucker's hat while we played a variation of Chinese Poker that had a few Go Fish elements. It's basically Chinese Poker but you can draw up to 4 cards. We played three-handed and I lost quads over quads on several instances. BG picked up a few bucks from both me and Daddy, who got smoked.
Iggy's buddy Dann works for the Reds and hooked us up with amazing seats. He helped Iggy put out the message on the Jumbrotron welcoming for us to the game. It was cold and soggy night, but we drank and ate through it, despite the Reds loss.
After the game I played six handed NL in the suite with BG, Maudie, Daddy, GMoney, and Iggy. I got felted three times and never bought back in after I went on serious tilt. I was playing Iggy's mucked cards since he was two seats to my left. On two instances I went broke, one time with SMTL against BG's Hiltons. Maudie knocked back tequila and walked away the big winner the first night.
At 4am, I accompanied a very drunk Daddy to the Waffle House a few blocks away. On the way to the Reds game we were told by our cab driver that the Waffle House was considered the dirtiest in the area and was cited for several health code violations. That Waffle House was the late night magnet for the lowest strata of society which included raccoon-eyed meth dealers, haunty hookers, Glock-packing pimps, drunken frat boys, and several deranged members of the local homeless population.
My friend Lori (who went to law school in Covington) warned me, "That's were people disappear from. You know, like so-and-so was last seen at the Waffle House before going missing for three weeks. Then the police find their rotting and raped corpse floating in the Ohio River."
Alas, you can't keep a drunk fat man away from hashbrowns and pecan waffles, despite the dangerous circumstances.
We survived our dining experience with no problems as Daddy hit on all the waitresses including one scary looking chick with gang tattoos behind her both of her ears. I have enough material for a Truckin' story, perhaps two. I'm going back to Hollyweird this week so I can pitch them a new reality series where Daddy and I travel around America eating in Waffle Houses and Denny's at 3am after we drink beer and huff airplane glue in the parking lot. It can also be a ground breaking documentary film. Degenerate cinema. I might even pitch the idea to European venture capitalists. Those Germans with film almost anything.
Saturday
I woke up early to buy Widespread Panic summer tour tickets at Red Rocks, Colorado and for two shows in LA. We drove to the Anchor Grill for breakfast. Five hungover souls squeezed into a small booth in the 24 hour dive that specializes in goetta, which is oats and sausage. It looks like a fried, flattened horseshit but is considered a delicacy.
"Goetta is an acquired taste," I'm told from the locals.
I took two bites and that was enough. I should have tried it with syrup but I was scared. They had a jukebox and Iggy played Patsy Cline for Maudie.
We played poker in the suite and drank for about 10 hourswhile some of Iggy's buddies showed up to play such as Huggie Bear, Dann, Jim, The Sheriff, TDub, Mr. Fabulous, and GMoney who brought all the kick ass tunes. We also had a special guest blogger... Duggle Bogey!
The real drama started when the infamous Fast Eddie arrived. I've seen pictures on Iggy's blog and heard the stories. Fast Eddie was an admitted redneck and hick with a six figure bankroll who played 10 SNGs at once.
"Is the entire floor revolving, or is that just the restaurant?" Fast Eddie asked in his slow drawl as he stared out the window of the suite. Two floors above us was the rotating restaurant. Our floor was stationary.
Fast Eddie would go on a tear after he had just $8 in chips remaining. When he tripled up, he left faster than he walked in. Lucky for me we had 12 players at that point and had to split the game up into two tables. I sat at the "kiddie table," a nickname that we (Daddy, TDub, GMoney, Duggle, and Dann) gave our game since the average pot was about $4. The other table (Iggy, Fast Eddie, Mr. Fab, Maudie, BG, and Sheriff) had players going all in on almost every hand. The pots were huge and everyone in that game had to rebuy at one time.
I started out winning a few prop bets from Duggle after we started picking "high card" out of the muck. When I was heads up with Daddy, we'd play Vegas Hold'em rules where we both got to see one of each other's hole cards. I bluffed him out of a pot with the Hammer. He had A-Q. His ace was exposed and my 2 of diamonds was exposed. The flop was K-Q-x with two diamonds. The turn was the 2 of clubs. I moved all in and Daddy mucked his A-Q face up because he thought I turned a set with 2-2. I did a similar move with 3-3 earlier in the night. I showed the Hammer bluff. Grubby would be proud. He's the originator of both the Hammer and Vegas Hold'em and I utilized both in the same hand.
After singing the lyrics to The Band's Don't Do It for the 347th time, Daddy admitted he was going to name his first born daughter "LaFelta Vermouth." That would be a great name for my jazz band. I think that Daddy was inspired from Drizz naming his newborn daughter Vegas.
I was down early and came back when I put GMoney on slight tilt after I sucked out on him twice. We eventually combined the two tables and I ended up winning back the money I lost the night before. Daddy lost a few bucks doing Roshambo with Iggy on Friday night. He picked up some cash on a prop bet when he chugged an entire grape Smirnoff Ice. It was one of those nights when everyone was drinking, laughing, and playing cards. I'm glad that I had the chance to party it up with my friends, hang out with Iggy's Cincinnati homies, watch Maudie shoot tequila, and play in a homegame with Duggle.
Just before 6am, we returned to the sketchy Waffle House so Daddy could eat another plate of triple hashbrowns topped with Bert's chili. He hit on the same pear-shaped waitress from the night before along with every female employee inlcuding the one who was missing a few teeth. The sun slowly crept above the Kentucky hills as we stumbled out of the dirtiest Waffle House in the South. Folks were getting up to go to church, as we capped off another epic night of drinking and gambling.
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