2007 WPT Championship Preview

By Pauly


Last year, this is how I described the scene at the Bellagio:

I spotted a crowd of poker fans and enthusiasts milling around the front of the Fontana Room like a a rabid circle of vultures ready to devour a dying carcass. A few random poker pros smoked cigarettes near slot machines and I quickly realized that they were on a break. I spotted Jen Harman taking photos with a few fans as they whipped out their cell phones and took several blurry photos.

"One more photo Jen, please! You're my favorite poker player!"

More fans circled around Marcel Luske, sporting a $4,000 tailored suit from London. Marcel always looks like a million bucks and always accommodates picture requests. He had his arm around two fans on each side of him as he blinked when the flash went off from one of the cameras. The Unabomber posed in front of a dozen tourists as they snapped photos like a drunken menagerie of Japanese businessmen. I elbowed and sidestepped my way past the carnage towards the entrance of the Fontana Room. It was a cluster fuck there too, with players leaving and entering and fans gawking and relatives of players trying to get quick updates. The geniuses who set up the tournament decided to place a souvenir stand right in front of the entrance to maximize profits, but made it almost impossible to get by. I walked past the embankment of star gazing tourists hopelessly clutching sharpies and random poker magazines and desperately seeking autographs from their favorite pros... More

As the WPT Season 5 comes to a close, I'm expecting the same circus-like atmosphere to surround the $25K buy-in championship event, which will officially kick off on Saturday at the Bellagio. The defending champ is Joe Bartholdi who took down over $3.7 million last April. The young gun is looking to make history by becoming the first repeat WPT World Champion.

This year's first place prize is expected to top over $4 million. Let me repeat that again since I want to emphasize the possible first place booty. The WPT is projecting a $4 million first place prize. Only Jamie Gold ($12M minus $6M), Joe Hachem ($7.5M), Paul Wasicka ($6.1M), Greg Raymer ($6M), and Steve Dannenmann ($4.25M) have won more money in a single tournament.

WPT Season 5 was the largest in its history with 18 events including the first ever event in Canada. The first stop on the tour began last May with the WPT Mirage Poker Showdown and since then 17 different players have won WPT titles including 13 first place winners who each walked away with at least $1 million. Over $76 million in total prize money has been awarded in Season 5 and some of the champions included WSOP bracelet winners such as Joe Hachem (1), Johnny World Hennigan (2), and Ted Forrest (5).

Joe Hachem added his name to an elite list of players who have won both a WPT event and the WSOP Main Event. That exclusive club includes Doyle Brunson, Scotty Nguyen, Carlos Mortensen, and Joe Hachem.

"How cool is it to be in a club with only four members?" mentioned Hachem after he took down the Bellagio event last December.

Here's a list of WPT Season 5 Winners:
Mirage Poker Showdown: Stan Weiss $1,294,755
Mandalay Bay Poker Championship: Joe Tehan $1,033,440
Grand Prix de Paris: Christian Grundtvig $907,066
Legends of Poker: Joe Pelton $1,577,17
Borgata Poker Open: Mark Newhouse $1,519,020
Festa Al Lago: Andreas Walnum $1,090,025
North American Poker Championship: Soren Turkewitsch $1,225,920
Foxwoods World Poker Finals: Nenad Medic $1,717,194
Bellagio Five Diamond Classic: Joe Hachem $2,182,075
PokerStars.net Caribbean Poker Adventure: Ryan Duat $1,535,255
World Poker Open: Bryan Summer $913,986
Borgata Poker Classic: John Hennigan $1,606,223
L.A. Poker Classic: Eric Hershler $2,429,970
WPT Celebrity Invitational: Adam Weinraub $125,000
Bay 101 Shooting Star: Ted Forrest $1,100,000
World Poker Challenge: JC Tran $683,473
Foxwoods Poker Classic: Raj Patel $1,298,405
WPT World Championship: ????

And here's a glimpse at the final tables and stats for the previous WPT Championships. Please note that the stats and numbers might be incorrect. My sources were the Hendon Mob's database and the WPT webiste. There were several instances when both sites published conflicting numbers. So take these stats as a rough estimate of what went down:

2003 WPT Championships
Apr 18, 2003
Buy-In $25,000 + $300
Number of Entrants: 111
Prize Pool $2,691,750

Final Table Players
1. Alan Goehring $1,036,886
2. Kirill Gerasimov $506,625
3. Phil Ivey $253,313
4. Doyle Brunson $159,987
5. Ted Forrest $119,990
6. James Hoeppner $93,326


2004 WPT Championships
Apr 23, 2004
Buy-In $25,000 + $300
Number of Entrants: 343
Prize Pool $8,342,000

Final Table Players
1. Martin De Knijff $2,728,356
2. Hasan Habib $1,372,223
3. Matt Matros $706,903
4. Richard Grijalva $457,408
5. Russell Rosenblum $322,660
6. Steve Brecher $232,660


2005 WPT Championships
Apr 24, 2005
Buy-In $25,000 + $500
Number of Entrants: 452
Prize Pool $10,961,000

Final Table Players
1. Tuan Le $2,856,150
2. Paul Maxfield $1,698,390
3. Hasan Habib $896,375
4. John Phan $518,920
5. Rob Hollink $377,420
6. Phil Ivey $264,195


2006 WPT Championships
Apr 24, 2006
Buy-In $25,000 + $500
Number of Entrants: 605
Prize Pool $14,671,250

Final Table Players
1. Joseph Bartholdi $3,760,165
2. David Matthew $1,903,950
3. Roland De Wolfe $1,025,205
4. Claus Nielsen $659,120
5. James Van Alstyne $439,375
6. Men The Master Nguyen $292,915

How sick are some of those final tables? Phil Ivey has made two of them. Quick side note: Phil Ivey is the best big buy-in tournament player in the world. In five events (four 25K WPT Championships and the 50K HORSE at the WSOP) with buy-ins over 25K, Ivey has made three final tables. As Daddy would described, "Pure sickness."

OK, let's get back on track. How about the first ever WPT Championships final table... Phil Ivey, Doyle Brunson, Ted Forrest, Alan Goehring, and Kirill Gerasimov. The WPT doesn't make final tables like they used to. That might have been one of the episodes that helped thrust both poker and the WPT into the mainstream. Although that final table did not air on the Travel Channel until the Spring of 2004, the first WPT Champion was technically declared a couple of weeks before Chris Moneymaker won the WSOP Main Event.

Due to the popularity of the WPT, the number of entrants in the past years have increased at the WPT Championship. 111 to 343 to 452 to 605. I'm setting the line at 706. That's how many players participated in the EPT Championships earlier in the month.

Last year's WPT Championship featured a slew of online satellite winners. I'm going to find out just how many entrants qualified online this year. Due to the UIGEA, I wonder what the drop off will be for internet satellite qualifiers... 50%? 25% 10%? That interesting number could be an future indication of how many players will be qualifying online for the WSOP championship which will affect the overall numbers at this year's event.

So who should you be keeping your eye on at the WPT Championship?

The hottest player has to be JC Tran. He took down a $3K event at the Bellagio two weeks ago and left with a nice score of $272,320. He's free-rolling into the WPT Championship after winning a free seat after his victory at the WPT World Poker Challenge at the Reno. Indeed, JC Tran es fuego! He won the largest and most prestigious online poker tournament after a first place finish in PokerStars WCOOP Championship event. JC Tran is also one of the most prolific players on the tour. In the last few years, he has made five final tables on the WPT including bubbling out in 7th place twice (WPT TV tables are six-handed). Tran has also made four final tables at the WSOP.

There has not been a female WPT Champion in its five year history. Kathy Liebert and JJ Lui came close. JJ has won over 600K this year so watch out. You have to keep an eye on both of them. You can't help but think that Erica Schoenberg and Vanessa Rousso's performances at last year's WPT Championship helped secure them sponsorship deals. They both went deep and all of a sudden became hot property according to online sites. Don't forget about Liz Lieu. She won an event at Commerce in February during the LAPC and she'd love to add a WPT final table to her resume.


Men the Master sits between Erica and Vanessa at the 2006 WPT Championship
James Van Alstyne is at the top of several poker magazine's player rankings. He's won close to 600K this year and made the final table at the Season 4 WPT Championship. When he's on, Van Alstyne is one of the toughest players on the circuit. He's a very polite and mild mannered player which is why he rarely gets any ink or face time.

Paul Wasicka made the final table of the WPT LA Poker Classic and a few hours after the tournament ended, he drove out to Vegas to play in the NBC Heads-Up Championship. As a last minute replacement for Phil Hellmuth, Wasicka went on to win the entire event. Wasicka has over 1M in tournament earnings so far in 2007.

I watched Gavin Griffin outlast the best players in Europe to win the EPT Championship a few weeks ago. He also made the final table of a WSOP circuit event earlier in the year and has been running hot.

Don't overlook Marc Karam, the Canadian who took second place to Griffin in Monte Carlo. Karam also made the final table at the Aussie Millions in January.

The darkhorse has to be Jon Little, a young pro that most of you have not heard of. He lost heads-up to JC Tran during the 3K event at the Bellagio two weeks ago. He also made a final table at the Bellagio last week in addition to cashing in the EPT Championships and the LA Poker Classic. Little also made the final table of the WPT PokerStars Caribbean Adventure.

In some regards, Season 5 of the WPT is their most successful to date. They introduced new hostess Sabina Gadecki along with a brand new set. They also shifted the focus on their coverage and featured more personal stories than just the poker action. The WPT also added new events while some of the older events featured record number of entrants and prize pools.

However, off the felt the WPT had to endure a lot of drama such as the death of an employee, two high profile lawsuits, ending their relationship with the Travel Channel, the dissolution of the PPT, and having French officials deny the WPT's cameras access to the Aviation club.

The most tragic downturn involved the sudden death of WPT photographer Paul Hanum in August of last year. The poker industry is a small community and his death affect many media reps and players especially his co-workers at the WPT. Although I was not friends with Paul, it does seem weird to not see him on the stage snapping winner's photos after the final tables have been completed.

How about those lawsuits? Former hostess Shana Hiatt sued WPTE in September. Her lawsuit sought immediate injunctive relief to allow Hiatt to take a job with NBC after the suits at the WPTE decided to cock-block her and claimed that she had signed a non-compete clause. Hiatt's suit also claimed that the WPT created a hostile work environment.

Then there was the lawsuit filed by some of the top pros in the game in which they claimed the WPTE and their partner casinos had conspired to eliminate competition and violated the intellectual property rights of every player. Some of the players listed on the lawsuit included Howard Lederer, Greg Raymer, Andy Bloch, Joe Hachem, Phil Gordon, Jesus Ferguson, and Annie Duke.

As Phil Gordon mentioned, "With an average of 13 big blinds at the final table, the WPT is a crapshoot."

The controversy surrounded the image release that every player had to sign to play in a WPT event.

Regardless of the outcome of either law suit, the WPT didn't come out looking too good. Of course, their run of bad luck continued when the WPT and the Travel Channel ended their five year relationship as the next season of the WPT moves over to the Game Show Network. The WPT has been the highest rated show on the Travel Channel, yet they decided to not pick up the option on the WPT this year.

According to Amy Calistri's article in PokerNews, "GSN agreed to pay $300,000 per episode for the upcoming season's twenty-three episodes. As part of the deal, GSN has also committed to spend at least $3,000,000 in marketing costs for each season."

The price per episode has decreased due to the over-saturation of televised poker programming. The GSN also has the highly popular High Stakes Poker which many poker purists prefer watching than the WPT.

Most recently, the WPT found themselves getting stiffed by France. There will not be a WPT stop in Paris at the infamous Aviation Club. The W in WPT stands for World and although there were only two events during Season 6 scheduled outside of the US and Caribbean, there is not much of an international flavor to the WPT once the French officals said, "Non" to VVP and Mike Sexton. The Aviation Club is still hosting their championship event, but they will not permit the WPT to film the final table. In January, French officials also told the EPT to screw off when they stepped in and forced the EPT to cancel their stop in Deauville.

Despite all the bad stuff that went down, the WPT has recently announced a stop in Barcelona, Spain as their European replacement to Paris for Season 6. Good news for Spanish poker fans and myself. Barcelona is way cooler than Paris. I had a ton of fun there when I covered the EPT event in Barcelona in 2005 and I'm looking forward to returning to Spain in October.

The WPT is hoping that their Championship event to end Season 5 will be another record setting tournament to cap off another epic year. I'll be at the Bellagio starting on Saturday covering the biggest tournament in Las Vegas outside of the WSOP. I'll be posting on the Tao of Poker regularly throughout the event and don't forget to stop off at LasVegasVegas to see Flipchip's WPT Championship photos. There's not a better photographer in the business.

I'll also be live blogging the action for PokerNews. John Caldwell and the Poker Shrink have assembled one of the best reporting teams that I had ever seen to cover the WPT Championships. I'll be at the Bellagio along with Amy Calistri, Change100, Tiffany Michelle, Shronk, and BJ Nemeth.


Yes, that's correct. BJ Nemeth is back and I'm fortunate that I get to work along side the best tournament reporter in the business. Like Matt Damon's quote in Rounders, I hope to... "fall into our old rhythm like Clyde Frazier and Pearl Monroe."

Stop by Poker News for our live updates, including videos of the WPT Championships.

* * * * *
Check out the Tao of Poker archives to read last year's coverage of the WPT Championships. I consider those posts to be some of the best tournament coverage that I've done to date.

And lastly... Happy 420 Day to all my stoner friends, old hippies, Deadheads, Phisheads, and all my pothead readers. Roll one up. Burn one down. And have a groovy day. After all, it's Friday...

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Hold'em Radio Spot

By Pauly


Just a reminder that I will be on Hold'em Radio tonight. Amy Calistri and Lou Krieger have a weekly radio program called Keep Floppin' Aces and I'm fortunate that they booked me as a guest on their show tonight. Their show airs at 9pm ET (or 6pm for all you Left Coasters). I should start my segment at 9:15pm or so.

Stop by the Hold'em Radio website or to listen in...

PC users click here to listen
Mac users click here to listen

Let's see if I can squeeze in POB, The Hammer, and at least one mentioning of the Redneck Riviera during the segment.

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Ode to John Paul I or Why I Won't Be Working at ESPN

By Pauly

Remember Pope John Paul I? His stint as pontiff lasted less than one month.

Remember my gig at ESPN.com? That lasted about one week.

Why? I will not be working with ESPN at the WSOP this summer due to creative differences. We have since parted ways.

It's still my life long goal to write from them someday. It just won't happen right now. I do not blame anyone that handles the poker section at ESPN. I was their number one choice from the start and as far as they knew... the position was mine and they gave me the go ahead to mention it on my blogs. Feldman even left a comment on the Tao last week expressing, "Glad to have you aboard."

That all changed after a conference call on Tuesday afternoon. A suit in the upper brass (and non-poker person) had an issue with my philosophy of covering poker. The WSOP is not figure skating. It's cut-throat poker in Las Vegas, held in one of the most dangerous cities in the world where crystal meth abuse runs rampant, gangbangers frequently blow each other away, female players offer anal sex for tournament buy-ins, and poker players get robbed in the parking lot of the Rio by gunpoint. Heck, just this past weekend, a pro named William Gustafik was brutally stabbed to death by his wife... in Las Vegas.

That's just the beginning. If you dig deeper, it gets worse.

Phrases like the Hooker Bar or POB (penis on back) is the type of stuff that scares suits in boardrooms. The masses want to hear about those exact things while the mainstream media ignores the deviant side of poker. Anyone who has spent any time on the tour knows that it's a tough life, with too much travel, serious sleep deprivation, casinos taking out too much juice in poorly structured tournaments, while several of your favorite pros seem to be always broke. We're not supposed to talk about how the final tables at the WPT are virtually a crap shoot with their escalated blind structures. We're supposed to stay mum about the deals to chop up prize money that are being made or who has what percentages of who at the final table. That's the reality of tournament poker. And most of the time, you really don't know is backing who.

There's cheating and drug abuse in poker, but you knew all about that already. Half the room at the Rio was flying high on something last year and it wasn't Red Bull, which they ran out of after a few weeks. There are hookers flocking to tournaments and hanging around looking for an easy mark. Even one pro got robbed of his bracelet by two ladies of the night. That seediness hasn't changed in years. Winners piss away their prize winnings faster than they cash their checks. Some players get so burnt out on the grueling lifestyle that they are never heard of ever again. Players fool around on their spouses. Players fuck each other over on shady business deals. Players hustle each other at other forms of gambling whether it's action on the golf course, outrageous prop bets, or straight up at the tables.

And I'm not limiting that aberrant behavior to just poker or professional sports. If poker is a microcosm for real life... those same issues are happening in your neighborhoods and at your workplace. The world is an imperfect place and we're all prone to the immoral side of the road. Throw in a slew of degenerate gamblers, good old fashioned American greed, plus the darkside of Las Vegas and you have a glimpse into the nefarious side of humanity.

The more money that gets involved in poker and the more fame and publicity that the players get helps foster an even harsher scene, where there's more at stake than just the chips on the table. You just have to walk down the halls at the Rio last year to see the most prestigious tournament in all of poker whored out to corporations who in turn hired scantily clad part-time call girls and jacked up strippers to hawk their goods.

Of course there are very few places you will read about those aspects of poker. I was hoping to make a difference this year. I wanted to equally highlight the most spectacular aspects of poker (of which there are many that I'm overlooking in this post) along with the utter lows. As readers and poker players, you deserve to be told the truth about what goes down at the series. And I wanted to be the guy to give you the straight dope.

You know what? I'm still going to do that. It just won't be at ESPN. It will be here at the Tao of Poker, where I don't have an editor hanging deadlines over me. I don't have any suits reminding me about ethics, morality, appeasing advertisers, and towing the company line. There's only one person for me to answer to and that's... me.

Besides, I attract substantially more traffic on the Tao of Poker than at any place I could write for. It's better that I post all my best material here rather than selling it off to someone else and letting them benefit from my spill over traffic that I busted my ass for four years to cultivate and retain.

When I broke the good news last week, the biggest piece of advice that I got from friends and bloggers was, "Be yourself." Even Byron mentioned to me on Sunday, "Please keep your own style."

In a perfect world, I'd be able to do just that and write for ESPN. Right now, that's not going to happen. Perhaps in the future, the climate might change. I hope so.

And please, don't weep for me. This minor disappointment is nothing compare to the kids who got whacked down at Virginia Tech. Weep for their families.

And there's no need to trash anyone at ESPN. They made a mistake and they'll have to live with that decision. I'll be fine. This new development opened up the chance for me to write with complete creative freedom and it also gives me an opportunity to work with some people that I respect and admire. Stay tuned for that announcement shortly.

Again thanks to everyone for their support before and now. The more I think about not altering my writing style and changing my voice... the more it makes sense. Maybe I wasn't cut out writing for The Man. I've always been better off doing things my way. After all, that's what got me here in the first place. Rest assured, you'll get your poker fix this summer... by coming back to the Tao of Poker everyday.

Side note... I will be appearing on Hold'em Radio as a guest on Amy Calistri and Lou Krieger's radio show. That airs from 9pm ET to 10pm ET this Thursday. You can stream it live. I'm sure they will want to discuss this latest situation. Tune in on Thursday to hear my guest spot.

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Happy Birthday Amy!

By Pauly


Today Amy Calistri turns 32. Happy birthday! This is my favorite pic of Amy that I took during the 2006 WSOP at Tao nightclub during the BoDog party. Not only is Gavin Smith groping her boobie, she's double fisting a cocktail and holding a pack of Marlboros. God bless her!

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Tranquilize Your Mind

By Pauly

Things are not the same today. Gaming executives are getting met at airports by stiff G-men with short-hair cuts, earpieces, and the same puke-grey off the rack suit who haul them off to only God knows where. Home games in sleepy suburban cul-de-sacs are getting raided by overzealous law enforcement types wearing enough battle gear to fight the Ansar al-Islam in downtown Baghdad.

Just last month, a good friend who works in conjunction with a popular online poker site almost shit his pants after he missed his flight to Italy and was forced re-book with a stopover in France, the exact country he hoped to avoid in order to stay off the radar from the watchful eyes of trigger happy French authorities itching to bust an online gaming fat cat. He was not the only one who had to enter Monte Carlo from the Italian side of the border. Italy is poker-friendly while the US and France are sending not so thoughtful messages. It's gotten so bad that people actually have to sneak into cities just to do their jobs.

Poker used to be underground and played at your own risk in dingy backrooms, run by chubby desperados with a smile that only a pimp could unfurl at 3am. Then poker got thrust to the center of popular culture under the bright lights of Hollyweird. The result was an onslaught of TV shows, movies, and celebrities playing for charity at the Playboy Mansion. Then there's the misfits venerated as heroes... the slew of scumbags you wouldn't leave alone in the same room as your kids for thirty seconds were all of a sudden the next generation of rock stars appearing in mainstream commercials, popping up on talk shows, and demanding outrageous appearance fees at corporate functions.

And now players are running for shelter. Poker is creeping back into the shadows as it reluctantly heads back underground. The endless struggle and pissing match between big business and the U.S. government has infiltrated several aspects of poker players lives. Everyone is a criminal it seems as the battleground is spilling over into your kitchen home games, onto your favorite online poker sites, and even onto the floor of the World Series of Poker.

The stakes have been raised and you're no longer just risking your bankroll. With every hand you play, you're also risking fines, imprisonment, and having your civil rights violated. According to Pokerati.com's outstanding coverage of Dallas poker raids, there are ten poker rooms in the Dallas area (and four just outside) that have been shut down by the local federalies.

"Dallas po-po says they know about 'a majority' of local games. And even though we have yet to see a single conviction (by judge or jury) of more than 200 potential defendants," wrote Michalski, who is always willing to whip up funny slang for the police.

"The state of Dallas poker is to some extent a microcosm of the bigger, worldwide poker world," Michalski wrote to me in a recent email exchange. "The landscape has shifted, and some are adjusting better than others. And, of course, the law and politics of it all make a difference. It is not the scene it once was - but that doesn't mean it isn't setting itself up to be bigger and better in the not too distant future. There are still people in Dallas just discovering the greatness of the game. And there are still people who are less greedy than others willing to serve them like the valued customers they are."

Hard working people like yourself are old enough to make their own decisions. And if you want to use your free time to play a ring game on Full Tilt or chase down a dream by playing a WSOP satellite at PokerStars or to play in a low stakes cul-de-sac tournament with some friends and neighbors, well in my eyes you all earned the right to do so. It's your life. Your time. Your money.

Life is tough enough without the current Nanny State telling you what you can and can't do. Life is a total grind. If you don't have problems on the home front, you got them at the workplace. The last thing you gotta worry about if a bunch of shotgun-toting deputies wearing ski masks are going to kick down your front door while your neighbor is in the middle of sucking out on you during your weekly homegame.

You have to shovel around enough shit everyday that you deserve a few moments of happiness. Life is about small and simple pleasures. Poker is a gateway to moments of joy and excitement. Like flopping a set against two pair. Like boating up on the river when you know it made your opponent a flush. Like making a big score in a tournament. Like meeting a really amazing new friend through poker. It's those little moments that add up and keep you sane on those horrible days when you wants to bash in the skull of your spouse or co-worker or that assclown sitting next to you on the subway that smells the wipe towel that's shared by the entire second story of a Juarez brothel.

Poker is also a social lubricant that brings together people from all walks of life. College kids. WWII vets. Staunch Republicans. Pinko liberals. Men. Women. Other. Red Sox fans. Yankees fans. Sanitation workers. Politicians. Chefs. Stockbrokers. Immigrants. Jocks. Norwegian teenagers. Former Star Trek actors. Military doctors. Lesbian nurses. Hippies. Grandmas. Taxi drivers. Even bacon loving fat kids from Hilljack, Indiana are playing poker with vegans from Orange County. Humans making connections with other humans. We live in such a disjointed society that poker is a rare instance when people are coming together.

We live in an inharmonious world and poker might be the only thing that two people can agree on. Off the felt it's a different story but while the cards are in the air and as long as chips are getting passed around, for a brief moment... people representing all types of diversity are united. That's the power of poker. Like music, poker brings people together, while politics divides us. I think Bob Marley said it best, "Politics no interest me. Dem devil business. Dem a play with peoples minds. Never play with peoples minds."

I don't know why you play poker, but I have a good feeling that the root of your reasons are filling a gap in your life, whether it's monetary, social, competitive, or sheer boredom. Your minds are getting messed with and there are so many mixed messages out there about the current state of poker. Even the shit that I'm spewing is being made up on the spot.

The best advice I can offer the confused ones is to tranquilize your mind. No need to overthink things. You have to do what your gut tells you. If that means no more poker, then so be it. If it means to keep moving ahead, then go for it. I doubt that any of this mess will be cleared up anytime soon. Prepare for the long haul. I know that I am. It might be a little harder to get money online, or to find a game, or to visit raid-free home games. You might have to risk more to gain access to poker. But so what?

"Life's not fair," as Jimmy Carter once said. That old peanut farmer from Georgia has a point.

Poker is still legal in lots of places. Vegas will always be Vegas as long as it's here, the WSOP will never die. Poker tournaments with million dollar prize pools are popping up all over the globe. There's still plenty of Americans playing poker for a living and making money in related businesses. Pros and entrepreneurs alike are trying to milk the poker cash cow before our federal government and local officials stomp it out like a bad case of the crabs. Who knows if this mess will be resolved in the next six months or the next six years. Poker will continue to grow. You just might not been seeing it in your backyard.

The consolidation of the industry has begun in some areas while in other parts of the world, poker is in the midst of a full out boom or on the cusp of the boom. A perfect example of that is an article I penned about the L.A. Poker Classic. I wrote it for my column in Poker Pro. In the US version, the issue was a little gaunt, not with content because it was a good as it has been, rather there were less ads which was part of the reason I had to take a pay cut. The European version (Poker Pro Europe) that I read in Monte Carlo was a lot more meatier. My article was in there but the issue had less content, yet the ads were plentiful.

Entire football matches in Europe are sponsored by online poker rooms and casinos. Your rake is getting put to good use and has been spreading around into other industries. That boost in income creates jobs and stimulates growth. Whereas Neteller had to fire support staff and some online poker sites such as UB and Absolute Poker terminated contracts with professional poker pros, other poker and gaming related companies in different countries such as Germany, Australia, Israel, and Sweden have been experiencing a hiring boom. They need workers. Fast.

I was in Monte Carlo for less than two days when I was pitched several employment opportunities ranging from writing, to editing, to helping organize a tournament in a country I had never heard of before. A couple of months ago I had only a handful of paying clients (those cheapskates at High Roller have still yet to pay me) and I finally made contact with several people who were being overwhelmed by the viral growth of poker in their home country.

Poker is going to go on no matter what the US courts decide and whether or not other countries want to classify poker as a criminal activity, legitimate sport, game of chance, or nothing harmless like a hit off a hash pipe or getting a blowjob from a professional penis masseuse.


Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Sunday Pimp: The Big Game and Quick Links

By Pauly

First of all, I'd like to express a big thank you to everyone who called me about the ESPN gig. My thanks also includes those of you who left comments on the Tao of Pauly and Tao of Poker, sent me emails, text messages, and voicemails. Oh and I even got an e-card! Seriously, thanks for the kind words and thoughts of encouragement. It's the biggest writing gig of my life I'll do my best. I'm just happy to be here and hope I can help the ball club. I just wanna give it my best shot and Good Lord willing, things'll work out...

Here are a couple of quick links:

Caesars Palace Poker Room Review
Robert's Rules of Poker
2007 WSOP Schedule
ESPN's TV Schedule for 2007 WSOP Events

If you are going to Las Vegas in the next few weeks or months and have never played poker at Caesars Palace's (relatively) new poker room, then you should check out Flipchip's review which includes a few cool photos.

By the way, congrats to Flipchip for winning a seat into a 2007 WSOP event courtesy of a freeroll at Sam's Town.


Also, tonight is The Big Game... hosted by Miami Don over at Full Tilt. It is the 4th Big Game this year. I won Big Game #2 in February. Hope to see you there, even though it starts in the middle of The Sopranos and Entourage.

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Eight Online Hands: Cracking Zeem, Rivering Quads, and More Puerile Donkament

By Pauly

I've been playing a slew of 8/16 and 10/20 Limit on Full Tilt during the last couple of days. Those games have been juicy with tremendous swings. That 10/20 full ring is difficult to find during the times I've been lurking online. At those limits there are a few solid players, but the rest of them are weak-tight or outright horrendous. In the end, I don't make money beating good players. I make the majority of my money by exploiting weaknesses and mistakes from a core group that consists of marginal players, newbies, and bad players. Conversely, I lose most of my money on bad reads, simply getting outplayed, and making rookie mistakes.

Here are eight interesting hands that I encountered in the last few days.

Ah-Jc at 10/20 Limit on Full Tilt: The subtitle of this hand is "Why I'm Glad You Overplay K-J." I found Ah-Jc at an eight-handed table in MP and raised. The button and both blinds called. Four way pot and the flop was Jh-8h-4h. I flopped top pair with the nut flush draw. The blinds checked, I bet, the button raised, and the small blind check-raised. Bastard. The big blind folded and I capped it. The button folded and the SB called. Heads-up. The turn was 10s. The SB bet and I raised. The SB went into the tank and called at the last second. The river was the Kh and I picked up my nut flush. He checked-called my river bet. He showed Ks-Js and I scooped a pot over $300.

6c-6s at 8/16 Limit on Full Tilt: It's an unexciting table and I'm in the big blind at a table with eight players. MP raised and the cutoff called. The small blind re-raised. I called three bets with 6-6 hoping that I flop the Anti-Christ in a four-way pot. The other two players called. Flop was Ks-6h-4s and on cue I flopped a set on a board with two flush cards. I dug in deep to my chair because I knew that was going to be a big pot. Either I was gonna lose big or win big. The small blind bet out and I raised. MP called and the cutoff re-raised. The small blind mucked and by then I put him on Queens or Jacks since he three bet pre-flop. I re-raised to cap it. The other two players called. I put one of my opponents on a flush draw and the other on Big Slick. The turn was Kd as I picked up a boat. I bet out and MP called. The cutoff raised all in for $25 total. I re-raised to $41 and the MP called. The river was 5d. I bet out with a boat and MP called with only $14 left. I won the side pot and the main pot. MP had Ad-Kc and the cutoff had 4h-4d. Too bad they were both short-stacked and all in. The $333 pot would have been bigger if they had more chips. Ugly cooler hand on that flop of K-6-4. Top pair and set over set. Online poker is rigged.

6d-6s at 8/16 Limit on Full Tilt: More wacky adventures with pocket sixes. I subtitle this one... "Cracking Zeem's Over Pair." I'm in the small blind with 6d-6s and Zeem raised UTG. He got one player in MP to call along with myself and the big blind. The flop was 3s-2h-2d. Both of us in the blinds checked-called Zeem's bet. Turn was 5d. The blinds checked and Zeem bet. I check-raised from the SB with a gutshot hoping to find out where Zeem was at... did he have Big Slick or a big pair? The BB folded and Zeem called. I found myself heads-up with Zeem. The river was a lucky 6c. I rivered a six outer. Sweet Jesus. Zeem had 10s-10h. Sorry for the suckout Zeem. It's not my fault. Online poker is rigged.

7h-7c at 8/16 Limit on Full Tilt: I'm in the small blind with a middle pair 7h-7c. I called a raise in a four player pot. I'd been on a "flopping a set" rush and decided to press my good fortune. The flop was a blood-curling As-7s-5s. Although I flopped a set, it was on an all spades board. Obviously not too thrilled about that. Even though I considered check-raising, I pussed out and check-called a bet from the original pre-flop raiser. The other two players folded. Heads-up. Turn was 4d and I check-called again. The river was 7d. I wish poker were that simple. I asked the poker gods to pair the board and they did. Rivering quads after flopping a set is like getting a hummer after you just got laid. Or for you female readers, it's like getting the kitten kissed after a tender love making session. I was ahead all the way. My opponent had Ac-Qd. More proof that online poker is rigged.

Ac-10c at 8/16 Limit on Full Tilt: Seven-handed table and I had been catching a blitz of big cards that held up. I was on a mini-rush when I found Ac-10c UTG and raised it up. There was one caller and the button re-raised. I called along with the second player. Flop was Jc-10s-3c. I flopped second pair and a nut flush draw. Time to jam. I bet out knowing that I'd get raised. The second player called and the button re-raised. I three-bet it and the second player mucked. The button capped it and I called. The turn was Jd. I bet out and the button only called. The river was the Qs. I missed my draw big time. I checked and so did the button. He turned over As-Ah for two pair... Aces and Jacks. That beat my paltry Jacks and Tens.

Js-Jc at 8/16 Limit on Full Tilt: Only four hands after I lost a big pot against A-A, I found myself heads-up with the same player. And guess what? He got Aces twice inside of four hands. Both times they held up as he raided a couple hundred bucks from my stack. Unreal. I found Jc-Js on the button. UTG + 1 raised and I re-raised. Everyone else folded and he smooth called. The flop was 10c-3d-2h. He bet out and I popped him for a quick raise. When he three-bet the flop, I knew I was in trouble but called anyway because I'm the fucker who can't fold a big pair in Limit Hold'em. I called bets on the turn and river when the 10h, then the 8d fell. He turned over As-Ad. Ouch. Aces twice in four hands? So rigged.

8c-7c at NL MTT on Full Tilt: I ended up taking 13th out of 339 players in a MTT early one morning last weekend. I was shocked because not only did I actually play a non-blogger MTT but I actually cashed in it! I played super loose and ended up amassing a stack early when I cracked pocket Aces. My opponent was a maniac at the table. Based on his erratic play and weird bet amounts, I suspected that he was some sort of whacked out druggie who was a habitual shoe-polish huffer or someone addicted to over the counter cough medicine who had been up all night with the cold sweats running around gnawing on dog biscuits and playing fourteen tables at once. Regardless, I had no respect for his raises. The blinds were 50/100 and I found 8c-7c. Maniac huffer raised to 300, which was an actual normal sized bet. He had been betting 4x or 5x or 6x the BB every hand pre-flop. I called the raise and the flop was 7s-6c-3c. Top pair and a flush draw against the maniac huffer looked promising for me. He underbet the pot about and I raised. He called. The turn was 5h. I picked up more outs an open-ended straight draw. He checked and I moved all in for about 2K. I had him covered by 400 and he called. He showed Ah-Ad. Two red aces. Yikes. He trapped me for all my chips but I still had outs. The river was 8s. I missed my flush draw but I rivered two pair which was good enough to crack pocket aces. Rigged. So fuckin' rigged. That hand put my stack over 7K in chips. In the second level, I was among the chipleaders.

8s-5h-5c-3d at a PLO MTT on Full Tilt: I had 8s-5h-5c-3d in the small blind at a six-handed table. Blinds were 60/120 and I was the big stack at my table. Three players limped and I called from the SB as the BB checked. Five out of the six players saw the flop of 10h-9c-5d. I flopped bottom set which means I'm gonna go broke or double up. I was first to act and checked. The BB bet the minimum and the button called. I check-raised to 1K. The BB folded and the button called. The turn was the 2h. I bet close to 3K. The button had 1550 remaining and was all in. The river was 6h. I had a set of 5s while he showed As-Jh-Tc-9s for just two pair. He busted out and I ended up making the final table of that PLO tournament. Of course, I bubbled out of the money in 8th place.

The leading candidate for Bad Beat of 2007 has to be a hand that happened on Wednesday night. I suffered one brutal river suckout where my soul was shattered into a billion fragments, but I'll spare the specific details. Let's just say it was tough enough to stomach what I thought was a two-outer on the river, but the testicle-numbing pain intensified as I hurdled into the upper stratum of Mega-tilt when one of the players piped up in the chat, "I folded the other King pre-flop."

* * * * *
I finally finished my Amsterdam II photo gallery over at Flickr which features 90 pics that I took last week during my 60 hour getaway. You can also check out the Amsterdam II slide show, if you like those sorts of things.

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

ESPN at the WSOP > Monte Carlo Reprise

By Pauly

I have good news. I'm the newest feature writer for ESPN.com. Yes, it's true. Andrew Feldman hired me to cover the 2007 WSOP for ESPN.com. I have huge shoes to fill... following in the footsteps of legendary sportswriter Steve Rosenbloom who provided the content for ESPN last summer.

I guess this makes it an official announcement. I'll be covering the WSOP for ESPN.com and writing feature articles for their poker section. I'll be focusing on writing features and not blogging... which is something I really wanted to do.

The official media guidelines have not come out yet, so I have to wait and see which other outlets that I will be working with. Rest assured that I will be posting on the Tao of Poker and contributing to LasVegasVegas.com as well, I just don't know in what manner or frequency yet.

The ESPN gig is a major milestone. Aside from getting a book published, selling a screenplay, and writing for Rolling Stone... landing the ESPN gig is one the four major goals I wanted to accomplish as a writer. ESPN has published some of my favorite writers including Hunter Thompson, Chuck Klosterman, and Steve Rosenbloom. I'm still a little dazed and confused over the good news.

This has to be of the most humbling and exciting moments that I've ever experienced. I was dreading the WSOP and now I can't wait for it to get here. By the way, check out the 2007 WSOP Schedule.

I never could have made it this far as a poker writer without the support and friendship of my brother and so many of you... friends, readers, and bloggers alike. Special thanks goes out to Flipchip and the Poker Prof for being the first organization to hire me to cover the WSOP back in 2005. Without their initial support, I never would have been in a position to be hired by other outlets and get recognized by ESPN.

And an extended thanks goes out to people who had faith in me and hired me to write for them over the last couple of years. That list includes Flipchip and Poker Prof at LasVegasVegas.com, Wilko and Mickey, Stan Sludikoff at Poker Player Newspaper, Otis and everyone at PokerStars, Trey at FoxSports, Lou Krieger, John Caldwell at Poker News, Johnny Quads at Poker Pro, and last but not least.... Feldman at ESPN.

My first featured article will be published in a couple of weeks. Now I just have to come up with something to write about.

Moving on...

Monte Carlo was a bitch of an assignment and perhaps the toughest assignment of my tournament reporting career. My responsibilities were the most that I've ever had to handle. I grew a deeper respect for people like the Poker Shrink and Otis who have to manage entire blogging teams during poker tournaments. I'm obviously more comfortable with writing than managing. My most dreaded moments occurred when I had to tend to managerial duties instead of sitting down to crank out some writing.

Poker News was shorthanded in Monte Carlo (due to a bad back from the Poker Shrink and the last minute addition of an extra day thanks to the EPT who scheduled it 10 days before the start). But you wouldn't know we were running on a skeleton crew from the coverage since everyone involved did a kick ass job despite the obstacles.

Filipe's photos were some of the best I've seen in the business. Tiffany's work in the videos is excellent and her ability to get players to commit to doing them on their breaks is even a more valuable asset. Shronk was always a professional from the moment I met him in Australia and his video work is the best in poker. He's been able to think quick on his feet and work in difficult environments. He provides the best quality despite having to deal with plenty of technical problems. Shronk is the Charles Oakley of Poker News. He does all the necessary dirty work that doesn't show up in the boxscores.

Sure the workload in Monte Carlo was intense, but I was fortunate to work with cool people, just like in Australia. Whenever you have a core group of people you trust and can get along with, anything is possible. I used to be serious when I said that I could endure working in an Alaskan fishery gutting fish on an assembly line as long as I got to pick the people working next to me.

One of the biggest problems I faced in Monte Carlo was proving my worthiness to the European media reps. Over 200 media badges from organizations from all over the world were issued. The media room was immense and the same room that they held the tournament in the year before. The EPT media room dwarfed anything on the WPT or the WSOP. In short, the EPT and PokerStars treated us tremendously well which included free coffee, tea, Evian water, cokes, and bottles of Pellegrino.

I might be known in some poker circles in Las Vegas or in AC but in Europe I'm a nobody. In some people's eyes... all Americans are the evil offspring of George Bush and I had a Scarlet Letter superimposed on my forehead everytime the other media reps heard American English spew out of my mouth. To some, I was the guy who showed up at the EPT Championship and skipped all the other events along the way. I became the media guy that I loathed at the WSOP who showed up the day before the main event.

I had to gain the respect of the European press and their biggest pros. Even though I had covered two WSOP and poker tournaments all over the world, I was still a fresh fish and a rookie in the eyes of the other people in that media room. I had to prove my worth fast. And unlike prison, I couldn't just walk up to the biggest and baddest motherfucker in the room and pick a fight. I had to do things in more subtler terms. That involved booze.

Pacing yourself during the first two days of any major poker tournament is vital to a reporter. Figuring out the backstory is the second most important thing. That involves collecting gossip from any of the other media reps. Good relationships with other media outlets is essential to attaining information when it matters the most. It's a shit job but when you are able to pool information down the stretch, the job gets a little easier. That's what is lacking in the American media that covers various tours. There's so much paranoia and competition that the grunts on the ground are having a tougher time covering events because of the strict rules put forth by their bosses who are in constant pissing matches with each other. In Europe, it was a much more relaxed working environment... that is, when they know you. Otherwise if you need help, you get that stonewalled expression that most Scandi poker players have made famous.

Booze is a social lubricant in any language and the bar saved my ass in Monte Carlo. The act of buying someone else a drink is a timeless gesture of good will. Garth told me that I should buy rounds or "shouts" in Australia to get on the good side of the Aussies. And you know what? He was right. Same thing worked in Monte Carlo. I offered to buy everyone drinks at some point. That time at the bar within steps of the media room was used to mellow myself out and forge new friendships and alliances. I also used my new contacts to attain essential information on the featured players from their home country. I had no idea who 95% of the players at the EPT Championships were. I needed a crash course in tournament poker in Europe and the other media reps helped me out. A few like Snoopy and Chris from Blonde Poker physically walked the floor with me pointing out wild Scandis or unknown Brits that I had no clue existed.

You also get juicy stories from other media reps, like Dave Colclough catching his wife Rhowena in bed with another guy or a famous Scandi poker pro who had a penchant for hookers and blew most of his winnings in Germany on one of the many working girls. That's stuff is gold in my eyes and I could never get those types of stories if I did not schmooze the "local" press.

I wanted to use the first two days to socially interact with as many foreign media reps as possible. By the third day, I knew who the top Dutch, Norwegians, Swedes, Brits, Italians, and French players were. The slow process of schmoozing and learning new players took a lot of time, something I had very little of during the EPT Championships. I did what I could during those 18-20 hour days.

Overseas poker is on the rise. 200 media reps? 706 players in the EPT Grand Finale? 1.8 million Euros (or $2.4 million) for first place? In short, I was impressed with the output that the entire EPT put forth. I'm looking forward to covering more European Poker Tour events in the future.

When I was wandering around Amsterdam, I considered getting an apartment there for a few months to write and stay at if I decide to focus on more EPT events. I even looked at a few places. Amsterdam is a major airport hub in Europe which is essential. You can take the train some in many other places. It would be a great home base for me and I'm sure the location would give me even more inspiration to write. And it's only a 7+ hour flight to NYC.

Amsterdam is another place for me to consider moving to after the WSOP is over. I have narrowed the choices down to NYC, Amsterdam, and LA. I guess a lot of that decision hinges on what I do at the end of 2007 and see what the state of poker in America is at after the WSOP ends. If I walk away from poker and focus on writing, I'll settle down in NYC or LA and crank out a book. If I decide that the next season of the EPT is for me (or if some really hip and cool publishing company wants to give me a fat advance to write a book about one year on the EPT), then I'll consider Amsterdam. Then again, if ESPN has any interesting projects for me, I'll be up for them.

Currently, I'm in NYC for a few days with a trip to Hollyweird and Las Vegas on the horizon. The EPT will have to wait a while. I have the WPT Championships at the Bellagio coming up at the end of the month and then there's the WSOP this summer, which I'll be covering for ESPN. I still can't believe it.


Photo Credit: Thanks to Otis for the original photo and to Mookie for the photoshopped version!

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Otis, Three Brits, and a Swede Walk into a Bar...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sunday Pimp and April Truckin'

By Pauly

First of all, take a peek at the updaed Robert Rules of Poker courtesy of the Poker Prof. It's a great guide especially if you are in need of a refresher course on poker rules.

Nick Cantwell, a devoted reader reader, blogger, and Truckin' contributor, reminded me of a Euro-freindly tournament that he's inviting bloggers and reads alike. He wrote: "Just to let you know we have started a blogger game in the UK. It takes place on Sundays (3.30 EST 8.30 BST)." Stop by his blog to get the password. I might have to miss it this week because of Easter, but I'll do my best to make it sometime soon.

If you don't read Jonny Vincent, then what are you waiting for? He's got to be one of the funniest writers I've come across in a very long time. He's an Aussie poker pro and ee met for the first time in Melbourne at the Aussie Millions. Take a peek at his blog aptly titled Poker Crack.

I met Nat Arem when I was in Monte Carlo. He's long overdue for a link. He's got some amazing photos on his site along with a holarious tale of degenrate gambling.

Hugo Martin is a writer for the Poker Verdict. He gave the Tao of Poker a shoutout in his blog roundup. Thanks Hugo.

In older news, RawVegas.tv has a video that is worth sharing where Jamie Gold admits he screwed up. And then there's the running prop bet series with Gavin Smith and Joe Sebok. In this latest installment, the two go head to head with female Thai kick boxers.

And lastly, a reader named Mr. Goss is running for city council in his neck of the woods. Take a peek at Dave Goss for Council. Good luck, bud!

* * * * *
Truckin' - April 2007, Vol. 6, Issue 4

I just published the latest issue of Truckin'.

1. Flight of the Stripper by Paul McGuire
Just before the flight attendants closed the airplane doors, two extremely loud women with Fendi purses rushed in and sauntered down the aisles. One was a skinny black woman wearing oversized Chanel shades carrying a pink jacket. The buxom blonde wore a pink Juicy track suit and had the biggest and worst fake boob job I had seen since the days when I lived at the Redneck Riviera... More

2. Some Times by Sean Lovelace
My friend S____ is a huffer. Gasoline, Freon, silver spray paint, etc. If you were to believe what you read, what the medical professionals say, my friend will eventually suffer marked atrophy of the brain, and has about a three in five chance of living to age twenty-five... More

3. Earning Hazzard Pay by Matt Siller
I spent the night in a restless sleep, every noise sounding like the pop pop AK47 gunfire, loud then faint. My guess is that's probably what it was. As long as there were no explosions, I'm okay with distant gunfire - that's nothing new to this area. Most of it is liquored or 'gack'ed up troops firing into the air in the wee hours of the morning... More

4. Petite by Sigge S. Amdal
These girls, they were nice and all, but they couldn't have been more than seventeen. They have this puppy quality to their skin, and their eyes reflect the streetlights. Looking seventeen, they were probably around fifteen, sixteen maybe, making it a no-no for me. Too much emotion... More

5. The Night 911 Failed to Ring by May B. Yesno
The logical individual to approach would be the Sheriff. This individual, however, is a first water Bigot and an out right Chauvinist who has been in a position of some little authority far too long... More

6. Sure, My Name is Dave by Paul D. Lane
Oh well, I thought to myself, I made it through the Gulf war; I can make it through this crap. The Marines go on these deployments for six months at a time. The mission was we go around on ship for six months and hope we don't see much action... More

7. Flush by Mike Wenner
Somewhere in the middle of dinner, John's queasy feeling subsided when he let out a huge fart. He felt it coming and tried to contain himself as best he could so not to embarrass himself since a loud fart at the wrong time isn't always funny. But as you know, a loud fart in certain circumstances can be downright hysterical... More

April 2007 is one of the strongest Truckin' issues to date. I'm fortunate that the writers this month gave me the honor of publishing their stories. Sean Lovelace wrote about trying to persuade his sister not to join the National Guard. Matt Siller was behind the lines in Darfur Sudan and shared one of the most chilling Truckin' stories to date. Paul D. Lane weaved a personal story about being on leave in Oz as a marine. Mike Wenner's bathroom tale is a hilarious read. May B. Yesno is among the returning authors with another story, this one titled The Night 911 Failed to Ring. And our favorite Norwegian writer whipped up a bit about a night out on the town in Oslo. Of course, what's a Truckin' issue without a good old fashioned story about strippers on a plane from yours truly?

Thanks to the writers who exposed their souls to the world and wrote for free. I'm lucky that you were willing to take that leap of faith with me. Thanks for inspiring me.

Thanks for everyone for their support. We could not have gotten this far without you... the reader! And please help spread the word about Truckin'. Good karma will come your way if you pimp Truckin' on your blog and tell to your family, friends, co-workers about what Truckin' is all about.

* * * * *
By the way, Happy Easter to everyone. I'll be back to normally scheduled programming on Monday. In case you were wondering, the next tournament I'll be covering for Poker News is... the WPT Championships at the Bellagio.

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Guest Post: Fatty McLiarson's Friday Thunder

Editor's Note: Time for another guest post while I'm taking a few days off from writing and blogging. Say hello to... Fatty McLiarson.

Friday Thunder by Fatty McLiarson

Dr. Pauly, everyone's favorite primary care physician is in Amsterdam on vacation, has kindly recruited me to bring the "Friday Thunder" here at the Tao of Poker. It's a deal that should result in an additive effect. Like that time in high school where I figured if two fingers was good, then four must be better. Only this will probably result in less blood and/or screaming.

Hi, I'm Dr. Pauly's Physician Assistant. You can call me Fatty McLiarson.

I live near Derek, hardly ever play poker, probably will never talk about poker, stand 6'2", sit about 3'7", stay away from the hard stuff but put down alcohol as if on some sort of mission, miss having Tang for breakfast, have never been to Bangladesh, needed spell check to spell Bangladesh for me, love pizza, hate shitty sitcoms, and have what you would call "strong" opinions on things.

I've known Pauly for many years, dating back to when he had a head of hair reminiscent of a young John Stamos. The deal is quite simple. I'm supposed to post something every other Friday at first, possibly moving to a weekly post sometime soon after. I post, he buys McDonalds. It's that simple. Double Cheeseburger meal, plain with extra cheese. Super-sized, because that's how I roll.

Speaking of super-sized things...

I have what you'd call, "a way with the ladies." It isn't so much any sort of theory on how to interact with women. No, it's more the fact that I'm not terrible looking and I have a large penis. Yep. As it turns out, bigger is better.

As a kid I remember going on some dates that were particularly painful to look back on. Being 16 or 17 years old with a hard-on that knows not the boner etiquette that a seasoned penis owner recognizes, means many an embarrassing evening. From a bumpy car ride with our chaperones, to an unfortunate incident involving Moon Pies, the young McLiarson was no stranger to the completely random appearance of his boner. Add to the mix a large and girth-tastic member and you've got a recipe for many a mortifying evening.

It was those times and recent dating disasters that led me to just cut right to the point and post this on Craigslist:

WANTED: Cavernous vagina for my enormous junk.

(Tiny vagina's need not appy! )

Do you find yourself bundling multiple tampons together with twine in a futile attempt to find something that fits? Were you laughing and joking with the nurses while painlessly giving birth? Have you ever lost anything in your tunnel of love? Well, if any of these scenarios leave you nodding your head in agreement, my penis might be for you! This month (and this month only) I'll be accepting applications for lucky Giganti-ginas (Medical term) which are in desperate need of junk that fits.

Qualifications? But of course.

My junk has been confirmed many times by smoking hot ladies as, "Huge!" My penis has seen action in some of the most alarming conditions known to man. In fact, the machete only exists because I once chatted up an entrepreneurial pharmacist on the subject of the best way to slay a seemingly impenetrable woman's bush. Applying the same principals that led him to design the tiny sword with which I hacked my way to Vaginaville that day, a larger scale version was produced to critical acclaim from drug lords everywhere! I've jarred things loose before. I drive a stretch limo because I'd risk shattering the windshield of a normal car if, for instance, a stretch of particularly bumpy road tricked my penis into thinking it was "Go Time!" I use empty Wonder Bread bags as condoms. I once found myself the unfortunate victim of a mugging. I didn't have any weapons, and when the mugger told me to give him everything I had in my pants, I pulled out the ol' Alabama blacksnake and clubbed him to death with it.

But enough about me.

Are you embarrassed by the constant echo's? During especially cold winter months do you offer homeless people a spot in your vagina to sleep for the night? Are you able to carry three watermelons out of a grocery store without any assistance?

Would you be willing to participate in a one person study involving my penis and your vagina?

If any of this sounds like music to your ears, and of course to your ginormous vagina, then email me. But hurry. My penis can't wait forever!

Related Link: Do You Have What It Takes?

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.

Gavin Griffin Wins EPT Champioships and Change100 Wins Pauly's Pub March Madness Pool

It's finally over. After logging 84 hours at Bay Casino in Monte Carlo, I can finally enjoy Europe before I fly back to New York. If you don't know by now, Gavin Griffin won the EPT Grand Finale, marking back-to-back wins for Americans in the biggest event in Europe. Brandon Schaefer took second in the event three years ago. Had he emerged victorious in 2005, the Yanks could have swept the EPT!!

Would you like to view the winning hand of the EPT Championships? Poker News has a cool Feature Hands toy which plays back hands.

You can read the (formerly) live blog from the event which was authored by yours truly.

Also, check out the Poker News extensive video archives from the EPT. There are some hilarious interviews in there, particularly the ones with Devilfish and the one with Andy Black.

And do't forget about Filipe's EPT photo gallery. Some good stuff.

Since I arrived in Monte Carlo, I have not gambled much. I lost 41 Euros playing poker late last night/early this morning with Otis and some drunken Brits from PokerStars, one wild Swede, and a Belguim guy who had a hot girlfriend who would not stop talking to me for most of the game. I'll write it up at some point.

I managed to win wagers on 2 out of 3 Final Four Games and cleaned up on a prop bets with Otis. I made plenty of props with other bloggers/journalists in media row at the European Poker Tour Championships. I schooled the British media, Snoopy from Blonde Poker and Stephen from Gutshot, with last longers involving British and American players. Although, I lost smaller bets to the Norwegian and French press particularly Benjamin from Team770.

Here's a pic of Snoopy settling his debt. He's not happy:


I leave Monte Carlo in a few hours. I fly from Nice to Amsterdam where I shall disapear for a few days and unplug. Can't wait. Speaking of Holland... here's a pic (courtesy of Filipe) of that Dutch interviewer who exposed her goodies to me by accident. Too bad it wasn't a more risque photo.


Dutch Banana Girl
* * * * *
Congrats's to everyone who cashed in my March Madness Pool. These are considered unofficial stats. They become official when I get back to the States.

Money Winners in Pauly's Pub March Madness Pool:
1 Capt. Tom and the P.O.B.s (Change100) 1330
2 Jack Tripper Stole My Dog (Pauly) 1320
3 The Marcus Hookers (Schanzer) 1290
4 Logan's Run (Gracie) 1230

Yes, not only did two chicks place in the money, Change100 won it all. What the fuck? She had Oral Roberts going deep until I scolded her. Unreal. I lost by 10 friggin' points. Congrats to her and Gracie (the only two chicks in the pool) for cashing. Change100 takes home a cool $400. Lucky mofo.

At least Florida covered and I won a few dollars after losing about 3K in Vegas last weekend.

That's it. Signing off from Monte Carlo.

Original content written and provided by Pauly from Tao of Poker. All rights reserved. RSS feeds are for non-commercial use only.